Are Filipino parents "good parents"?

"He goes COMPLETELY BALLISTIC over the fact that I didn't pay attention in class and that i'm gonna screw up my whole frickin future. "

Hmm, so you think he's a bad parent because he is furious that you are, self-admittedly, knowingly doing things that are "gonna screw up [your] whole frickin future."?

Would you feel better if he instead just gave you a condom with a hole in it then pick up a drunk druggie standing on a corner?

But you do have a point, sort of. He may indeed be a bad parent because all he wants to do about it is throw away your life-affirming "Evophone". A truly good parent would have strung you up after a statement that stupid.

Your story is not uncommon in a household with teenage kids, especially among Filipino households - mine among them. My kids are now past their teenage years but your experience with your parents is a blunt reminder of my family's not too long ago. Your parents want nothing but the best in life for you. They are telling you that they don't want you to experience the difficult life they had back home. These are exactly what I preached to my kids when we had conversations at the dinner table.

(We've never really had any heated arguments and my wife, who is an American, tried to remain "cool"). The basic issue here is cultural differences. Filipino parents in the U.S. work hard but, unfortunately, many U.S. born kids generally take this value in life for granted.

Take the time to understand where your mom and dad are coming from. When your mom or dad appears to be in a good mood, that is the best time for you to talk to them about certain questions you want answered or to simply ask their point of view on any topic, such as going out with friends late into the night, or bringing your boyfriend home. When mom and/or dad seem stressed, stay away and remain calm. When you feel stressed, call a friend or engage in an activity that will help you unwind, such as listening to your favorite music. Your dad is stressed because there is friction between you and him beside his concerns for your ADHAD brother.

Set aside your demands from him for awhile. You may find out they're not bad parents after all.

Filipino parents will only (only saying this once) respect if for example you get good grades or listen what they tell you to do (my experience). Unlike typical American parents, Filipino parents tend to push hard on them ( no not child abuse. ) From what I think, I think many Asian families are like this, some are not...

my dad is somewhat like that and im not even filipino, im korean. idk i think it's an asian thing. my bestfriend is filipino and i spend a lot of time with her family since my parents are always out and i like practically live with then 1/4 of the year so i think it's just like that. my dad also grabbed my smart phone and told me he was going to break it if i wouldnt stop slacking off school. i think it's just discipline. i see my bestfreind's filipino dad do similar things like that. they dont hurt us but we take it in as discipline. i think it's just the way you look at things. i see it as a discipline and it, at least, sets my mind to something straight.

Some filipino parents lack perspective. that's upto you. show them you are responsible and good. just be careful of your words and actions when interacting with your dad/mom. just stay alert. filipino's are sensitive.

I dont know if this is a cultural issue,if i didnt know you were filipino, id think you were chinese or korean. i think this is more of a family issue than a cultural association. each family will have a different subculture, and althugh asians are rumored to be very controlling (which is true to some extent), it is not the case all the time. in fact i know more filipino parents who are not controlling than say parents like ours who would like to know our every move.

i do know where youre coming from. my parents were very strict too when i was growing up, obsessed with the family business they'd make me and my brother work every weekends and vacations, learn crappy sports, forced us into universities and courses, and even tried to dictate our careers. it was tough dealing with it, and we fought alot, even over the simplest things.i dunno whats goig on between you and your parents, and i know this is going to sound crappy,but just bear with it for now and try to understand them. i know it sucks, you prolly feel like they dont know you and theyre stealing your life from you, but if rheyre not doing their part in understanding you then try making the first step. they are your parents aftr all and theyre providing for you. dont separate your life too much, 17 is a wonderful age and i know how we crave for independence at those years. give them a hug or share some stories over the dinner table. its weird cos after all the drama wth my parents pushing for a design career when they wanted me to go into the business, i eventually gave up. worked with them everyday for 2 years and i really got to know them and they got to know me and realized how much i love design and decided to let me go do my thing. as children, growing up, we think our parents are some kind of super heroes who provide for us, save us from troubles etc, but at the end of theu day theyre just humans too. they have bad days too, they get tired, moody etc. getting to know them better allowed me to understand my parents better and relate to them properly.

anyway let the flames die down a bit first and then if you feel suffocated then talk to hem and let them know how you feel. build an open relationship. try to know where theyre coming from. 2 people blind of each other's intentions will never be in sync. ty not to build on negative feelings as it will just widen the gap between you and your parents.

Some not all because if they are all good then why is it there are bad children who comes from bad families.

I'm an only child and I have Filipino parents as well. They work hard just to keep our family stable and always provide me with everything I need and get me a lot of the things I want. They make sure I ate enough, check after me, protect me (my Dad's overprotective of me lol), and make sure I have enough money when I go out with my friends. Whenever I go to school, my Dad always gives me all the money in his wallet for my "baon" and tells me to eat enough because he doesn't want me to go through what he went when he went to school. He saved up money to buy me my laptop, itouch, and well he goes out to buy me food and school supplies and stuff and drops me off to wherever i need to go. Whenever I need something, they right away provide it for me. My friends consider my parents very nice and very generous as well and sometimes OVERPROVIDE lol. My dad always sleeps outside in the living room to make sure no one tries to barge in and hurt me. They give me their full attention and make sure I'm well taken cared off. My dad DOESNT drink or smoke...he says he hates the smell of alcohol and smoking is disgusting....and same with my mom too. My mom always cooks and takes me shopping and gives me advice and can somtimes be strict on who i hang out with but hey, she still lets me go out sometimes. She works full time but still makes time for me and takes me out. So I'm very grateful that they don't adopt those bad habits. They NEVER ever hit me at all and discipline me by talking firmly and grounding (nah I barely get grounded anyways lol). You see, my parents goal is to give me all the things they never had when they were growing up in the Philippines. And as I just described, I'm very blessed and more than grateful about all these things.

However, there at times when we clash. You see, apparently they started getting kinda strict with grades...so yeah it happens among Asian families. When me and my Dad get mad at each other, its quite a yelling war actually (got my temper from him). Sometimes my mom just barges in my room without knocking or gets moody sometimes. Sometimes they can be sorta racist and stereotypical (aren't all Filipino parents like that lol?) Sometimes we argue and they get mad at me if I cry (except when I'm sick and its painful). Sometimes they tend to get moody and snappy or yelly. Sometimes they tend to make a big deal out of things I personally don't find worth spending time on. And they tend to be one-sided and judgemental sometimes. But hey, they don't drink or smoke, they work hard, they provide for me, and they love me...so its just a few cons there ahah.

So I gave one paragraph of the good things and one paragraph of the bad things and so you see, the good things outweight the scale of judgement. Parents tend to piss us off sometimes but they'll always love you and protect you and think of the things they have given you and provided and all of the things they've done for you. Not all Filipino parents are bad, but they tend to be sort of unagreeable sometimes but hey, aren't all parents like that ahah?