If someone stares should you stare back ?

Just briefly if you want to. Most civilized ppl will break their stares if you stare at them. OTOH, there are apparently a lot of uncivilized ppl in this world. Sorry to hear about your sister. If you haven't already, pls get her to a psychiatrist (MD who works in mental health), preferably someone who specializes in treating anorexia. Anorexia, as you know, is a serious, life-threatening illiness, and not something that someone can just "snap out of." Some ppl suffering from anorexia do benefit from inpatient (psychiatric hospital) care, but I will leave the practice of psychiatry up to the psychiatrist. Take care.

That's difficult, since you certainly don't have the time, the energy (nor should you be expected to) educate the general public as to what being mannerly is all about.

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So, having a 15 min. convo with everyone who stares wouldn't be possible. Staring back with an annoyed roll of the eyes is counter-productive.

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You may have to have a long chat with your sister (I'm sure you've already spoken about much of this), but speak, specifically, about how strangers and passers-by will look at her. Ask her about her feelings about it all..and how much emphasis she places on the looks.

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My sister had a brain aneurysm and I know exactly what you're speaking of. She was like a 6-yr old child, and would say/do things with no edit switch. We were always having to run up and tell people she had the aneurysm, because without knowing she was offensive, she would be. (Once, she told a lady her baby looked like a baby pig..like a child would. Just stating a fact. She had no idea how insulted the lady would be. My sister appeared to be a grown adult, but she was a child inside).

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The truth is, that it is very rude of people to stare. It is. No excuse. However, she DOES look quite different from what people have seen and there's a portion (albeit small) that has to take that into account. Talking about this with her will help. She knows that her disorder has done irrevocable damage to her body. She knows she isn't well. No one is served by pretending that she is as healthy as a horse and looks "normal" because she doesn't. Honesty and truth is important. Denial helps no one.

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It's best to deal with strangers on a case by case basis. If some are saddened for you/her..and you have the time to explain what her condition is, then by all means, do so. Not everyone who looks is mean-spirited and cold-hearted. You may be sensitive to it, but it's possible she is not. Maybe calling attention to other people is making her aware of something she hadn't even noticed.

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If people are outright rude, I would excuse myself from her, and ask to speak to them privately, telling them how hurtful their words/actions are..but getting into an argument with strangers is never wise.

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I think ignoring the stares, not alerting your sister..and going about your biz may be the simplest, less stressful, and most effective.

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I didn't mention she needs medical care, presumably, she is already under a Dr's care and being treated for the Anorexia. In extreme cases, patients are hospitalized with a feeding tube. If she's out & functioning she's not at death's door. Your neighbor was way out of line. People DO recover from severe Anorexia, but it's a tough road. With support, Therapy, Medical and Mental health care she can recover. *+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+*+

I know you don't want to be rude, and that's a good thing. But in this case, I don't think anyone would blame you - people who stare at her are being abysmally rude themselves.

Absolutely stare back. If it were me, if I couldn't stare them down, I'd walk over and be like "I saw you staring uncontrollably at my sister, who is clearly very ill. If there's something you wish to say, feel free to say it. Otherwise, please stop staring. It's rude and you're making both of us uncomfortable."

Or, if you're in a place such as a restaurant or something, ask the manager to speak to whoever is staring. That'll stop them.

It depends. If a hot chicks stares at me, I'll stare back and force a stare contest. When she blinks (I never blink) usually they will laugh. Thats opens up the door for conversation and potentially a wonderful relationship. So sometimes its okay.

SHOULD and CAN are two DIFFERENT concepts. SHOULD you stare back, NO. CAN you stare back, of COURSE, if you want to be RUDE!

So if you think it is rude to stare, you should return rudeness for rudeness? An eye for and eye? I think not.

Have a polite day.

Etiquette takes over where laws end.

"SMILE" :D

When others stare at me, I give them a smile. They will instantly look away, embarrassed.

People often don't even realize their eyes are fixed on another person. It just takes a 'smile' to bring them to their senses.

A smile says it all and it costs nothing! :D

Peace and Blessings

"Today a woman was staring down at my sister so I shot her a look and she kept staring so I stared back and we had a stare down. My sister is sick and fragile - so I feel offended when people stare."

- Lesbianism is beautiful. If your sister is not a lesbian than I pity her :)

Instead of worrying about people staring, why don't you get your sister some mental help?

It was good of you to let her know (without words) that what she was doing was unacceptable. Sometimes non verbal communication is the most effective.