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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 10 years ago

How long are you suppose to wait?

If you are wrting messages to a person you are interested how long should you wait to respond, and is it ok if you keep asking questions to keep the conversation going or does that seem annoying? Also How do i know if he is interested the first time i wrote to him it took a day for him to respond the second time it took him like 10 min the third time like 2 hrs and right now like 6 but then agian i have been doing the same so how do i let him know i'm interested without being annoying and in a way that i don't actually say it.

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  • Anonymous
    10 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    How long to wait? I'd say that given your obvious objective and intentions, you'll have to judge on the imperative degree of your replies... the more your messages seem to compel an answer, the more you can afford to wait without looking weird or ending the conversation. However, if you leave a comment, an idea, that doesn't seem to produce any reaction, after a few minutes -- let's give them at least a solid 5 to 7 minutes to reply -- ask a question or post an other comment... just don't be begging or bugging: you want an interaction.

    Now, I'll tell you exactly how you can determine the interest of any person toward you -- it's very easy and, yes, it works: I'm not tossing that as a mere opinion, it's a scientific! So, someone did bother to look hundreds of times to see if it matches reality. Give me a second to type this.

    The first thing you must know about psychological development is that it always rely on a balance between stimulation and letting go, between imposing constraints and handing enough resources to fulfill them... the second thing you must know is that the four spheres (cognitive, physical, emotional and social) are inter-determined: they all influence one another. The last thing you want to bother about is what is called the attachment pattern -- it's the model after which your relation with someone is based. There are many of them and they vary subtly, but if you want to keep it simple, the one you want to favor -- the model which is at balance -- is a secure attachment.

    The major key, the as-big-as-a-ballpark-hint, that it is the one in presence is for the person who exhibits it to be able of autonomy and independence: going away, but ALWAYS coming back. It's the yo-yo effect of doing different things and, out of his own will, heading back toward you. The adult or teenager who show this type of attachment will value highly the relationship, but will not be determined by it. In your situation, he should text back sometimes or, else, he'll find a way to get to see you and talk -- he must show both the capacity to leave without you and a preference for you.

    I'm sure you don't want a nice technical analysis you can't really apply but just look at, isn't it? You want to know how you tweak the options in the menu and generate that kind of thing... I'm sure you want to, so I'll tell you. It's fairly simple. Remember I said it's a matter of balance between constraints and resources? Every good state is balanced and this one is a good state. If you want him to develop that kind of interest in you, respond to his initiatives of going to see you, by yourself taking a step -- every time he gets to speak or texts first, keep the count and, later, if he doesn't after say one or two days, get there yourself. Also, when you are with him, you want the conversation to be going both ways; if he has problems because he's shy or something, help him out. The point is not to put the words in his mouth; the point is to find out the right degree of work you do on your own to have him make the effort of doing something in response... So, if you show initiatives yourself, try to make those moments you share enjoyable and maybe even useful, perhaps even meaningful, he'll come back.

    Just try not to wait ten months before you ask him out, if you do! If you see he shows those kind of tendencies to want to see you, it's crystal clear he enjoys you -- it just has not to be exaggerated (like he wants all the time) or all the other way around.

    So, that was the ultra-quick version of how to interact in love affairs.

    Source(s): Vygotski -- principles of development (mutual regulation, balance of constraints and resources, proximal zone of development) Bowlby and Ainsworth -- attachment theory
  • 5 years ago

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  • SAD
    Lv 5
    10 years ago

    What kinds of messages? Texts? Emails? Instant? Snail mail? It really depends on the type of message you're sending. Why are you afraid to tell him you're interested? You just say, "I'd like to get to know you better, let's meet up sometime."

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