my girlfriend told me something that broke my heart, and has messed me up. help?

True your both young but that is not to say that your feelings are not very deep for one another, and both of you are well capable of feeling real love for one another. But the reason I mention your ages, is so that you understand the maturity to deal with something like this is not in you both yet, her for telling you and not thinking there'd be no repercussions on you, and you for the way its effected you. Honey even an older man loving a woman the way you do your girl, would be enraged, so its hard for anyone to handle, let alone a 14 year old.

Putting it another way, as you say it caused great stress at the time in her family, stress to her as the young child she was when this terrible father abused his little daughter like that, but stress on the rest of the family too, the parents divorced, the mother did what was right. But they all have had 7 years to heal (to the extent that they can), they went through what your going though now, outrage, anger and all the rest, and disbelief in themselves that they had not been able to protect the child, guilt went flying around all over the place back then, whereas you have not had that time on your side. The news is raw to you, and sadly its truly effecting you badly.

Were I her mother, I would hope my daughter could tell me that she had just told you, and then I would make sure I spoke to him myself - for that is what you need, you need to know how to handle it, her mother is the one that can help you there, she has been through all the feelings your going through now, she could be your counselor so to speak , help you deal with the feelings etc. I think your girl herself, should have said to her Mother '' look I love him and feel the need to tell him what happened to me, how do I deal with it etc''. I think you have the need to know all about it, and no that is not morbid on your part, its natural to have the need to know, so that you know the whole story and then deal with each part of it separately so that it can eventually be put back in the past where it belongs.

You truly do love this girl, I can tell that just by your words, 14 or not, your protective of her, you want to make it that it never happened but of course you know that you can't, but you certainly now need the help of her mother more than anyone else, for she is the one having lived the hell herself that can tell you how and what to expect to feel and how to cope with it, then learn to get over the terrible hurt and anger your feeling right now. In an ideal world the mother would be a person you could easily talk to, hopefully she is, but chances are she is not, so in that case then your girl has got to understand you need to know more, to analyze it in an attempt to come to terms with the terrible news. Hopefully your girl is over it now, well over it to the extent that she can go forward in life etc, obviously it effected her then and to an extent still does, but I think and feel she truly loves you, and the real reason she told you was because she wants you to know just how much she loves and trusts you. Her opening up to you was a real way of saying I trust and love you more than anyone or thing in the world. Your girl loves you. Together the two of you must go through the hurt and anger its caused, learn to deal with it, then come out the other end even stronger than you are now, and that my friend is already a strong relationship, even though your both only 14.

Just stay loving her strongly the way you do, one thing this proves reading the words you wrote, is the fact it tells me that your a mature protective young man, stay that way, your going to be a great full adult, one anyone women would be proud safe and happy to be married to you.

Good Luck to you both, the shock will pass, this time bomb dropped on you, will become a distant memory that won't upset you as much as it does now. You too will heal.

Billie UK

1

You are truly a catch and I hope she always knows that , and you for her. There is a wonderful method that works wonders in resolving trauma, feelings, and much more. She can dissolve, neutralize her trauma feelings and you can both use it together for anything you need/want.

Here are the therapists (recommended) eftmasters.com and here is the free self help version. eftuniverse.com click on 'get started free'

Find someone you like and go see them. This method doesn't take a long time . You can see it in action at several sites that have videos, like this one stressprogect.org and videos at the practioners sites.

I am confident that you both will be very happy with this and you can move on with creating yoru best lives .

No other therapy does what this one does.

best wishes happy holidays

EDIT: BTW, the laws and understanding are different today than the way her judge thought , she should explore other attorneys and perhaps investigators to stop him as a pedophile and get money for damages. taylorring.com

U are both so young..and this type of news would upset anyone, regardless of age. Once U know it, it not something that is going to disappear overnight, so dont worry too much about feeling bad..She wanted to tell U..and she did..she wanted your support and love..so give it..IF U both share this Trust..U will be better for the knowledge

Perhaps you can insist that she go to a therapist? (School counselor?) I imagine it must be awful because you feel like you can't do anything to help your girlfriend, but if you can get her help (and if she wants it) then you might feel like you've done something. Either way, though, I think you're a great boyfriend because it sounds like you really care and you want to support her. Supporting her through this is enough, and she knows that you're trying.

what a weak heart!!!!!!!!