As a muslim guy, how would you feel if you suspect the girl you are to marry is a non-virgin?

Let me fix the misconceptions of the fellow muslims here:

1) Doubting someone without proof is Haram

2) The 'hymen/virginity theory' as I like to call it, is nothing but an illogical and archaic 'method' of 'determining' a girl's virginity. over 90% of girls break their hymen due to other non-sexual causes before marriage. A lot of girls aren't even born with hymens. So its a totally ridiculous ideology.

The only way a person can find out whether their spouse is pure/chaste or not is by looking into their history, and judging the person for themselves.

The cultural view of women staying pure, whilst men can do anything is pure rubbish and invented by a patriarchal, hypocritical and perverted man, who was definitely NOT a muslim!

In Islam, we are supposed to marry a CHASTE person, not necessarily a virgin. There are 'technical virgins' out there who do other sexual acts apart from sexual intercourse, hence they are considered unchaste. However a person who has had sex with their spouse, but became widowed, is still considered chaste as they did not do any filthy, illegal sexual acts before or outside their marriage.

Virginity can not be determined, but chastity can be determined by looking at a person's character. :)

Salam alaykum.

You shouldn't assume nor suspect something and then take action based on that. Remember, you cannot actually tell if the woman is a virgin just by looking at the hymen.

If you base marriage around virginity then there is no point in getting married at all. Marriage is about two people, coming together, and growing together. For a successful marriage, you are supposed to accept the other person's flaws and that person for who they are. That is what you call love. Love is not equal to the hymen nor is it equal to the woman's virginity. Virginity is fleeting, it goes once and never returns (if you even believe in virginity in the first place). Love should not be the same way. Love should stay and stay always.

Instead of suspecting (with the ratio being: 50% true and 50% false), why don't you ask? And if she says no, ask what happened. For all you know, someone could have sexually abused her. Or, maybe nothing happened at all and you are just paranoid. You have to think about what your priorities are in life. A woman's virginity or love.

Asking is not a solution.

The girl might get upset and say "you don't trust me!" its risky.

I also have a similar situation. Even she once told me that one of her girl friend got an operation to have her virginity back because her parents wanted her to get married with another man.

Virginity itself cannot be trusted anymore.

In my opinion its important not physically but mentally because it means this girl had a relation with one or more guys before me which means she is not religious and I want a religious woman. If I love her too much and she seems regretful-repentant than I marry her. If Allah forgives her why not me? If she is a convert I don't evaluate her previous life at all before Islam.

here is a scenerio to ponder on..

if a prostitute decided to mend her ways, became a pious muslim. prays 5 times a day, now wears hijab and does everything possible to keep her morality up and to the tenants of Islam..

then there is a born muslim woman, just born into islam, but doesnt really understand it much, just by name only. doesnt pray much, doesnt wear hijab, but is a virgin..

which woman would you choose? remember Allah forgives all past sins if you b ecome a muslim.. If I were a man, id choose the first woman over the 2nd.. ..

Allah made us into tribes and nations to know each other, not to despise each other, .AND THE BEST OF US ARE THE BEST IN FAITH...

id choose the more virtuous woman over the non practicing virgin anyday.

I don't understand the haters here...but anyways

If you are still engages and want to know more info, ask about her

but if you are married already,,,then uh...that should have been known before.

But IF i was a guy(which alhamdulillah I am not) no offence to the males, i would get my friends to ask about her and get my parents to do the same...better be safe than sorry!

I'm not a guy, but why would it matter? It's not going to make sex any different. Are you a virgin?

My dear, if Allah (SWT) can forgive, then so should we.

Let it go. She loves you and wants to be with you. Let bygones be bygones insha'Allah.

Why would anyone want to marry a virgin?

Just ask her if she is or not if it matters to you!

Depends on what makes u suspect this ? Please give us an example .