Have you ever tried to shut "close" your heart?

Yes, it works to a degree, but there is aways ways to break down that wall you put there to protect you....there is always someone that can somehow get beyond those boundaries and make them crumble at your feet.

You cant fight what the heart feels.

Yes, I'm doing it now ^^

But it wasn't because I was totally rejected...it was more a matter of how much more I could take before I had enough =/

~ Yes :)

Especially if they show me something I know I have to avoid. When you get older you have to be realistic if you know the person who is after you could be the *bad boy* or girl in your case ~ :)

hahaha of course i did. let me explain.

i had a huge crush (word choice, ironic isn't it) on this girl, who would always smile at me for some reason. the first time she came in the class, i said to myself this is my chance to finally have a friend whose a girl, a blond one too wow. eventually i got so in to her i have fantasies you know, and her smile only welcome me to dream more. is this story getting kind of stale.

the thing is, i feel like she's always next to me. and gravity really pulls me down from the white fluffy clouds. when i was back into reality, she was already smiling at another gentlemen. like the movie spiderman 1 you know, when peter parker's friend went out with mary jane (i think), peter never made the move. i never made the move, i always thought she would just, come, or at least i just liked her smile or i was just a wuss, whatever you call it.

i became so depress, i close myself off from another person. if i can remember correctly, i even made a commitment not to talk, but all of the stuff i mentioned, i must say this commitment was compatible with my personality (perhaps from the start) and so a myriad of things could of influenced me to do this. you never know.

well, to answer you question of did it work, i'm quite confuse by what you mean what worked. exactly what worked. sure i closed myself, but that made other's life miserable or at least i knew another girls' life would of been better if i was her boo.

the thing is, i don't regret it. I saw lots of girls i liked (it's not like i can completely shut off my hormonal system here) but i felt i couldn't ever!- make the move. eventually I say to myself, this is just me, it's how i am, i need to get over it.

i can honestly say this might be the stupidest commitment, shutting myself off, i have ever did in my life. i see constantly other's who are happier making exactly the opposite decision. so if you have this problem, i am trying to convince you i been through it, and i am not quite through it actually lol, probably never will be.

--

geeize my name's greengasp -,-... well, i hope you have a better one or at least found comfort in anything i said.

hmm repressed feeling of grief and frustration is a nice thought, except perhaps the peace part. sometimes no matter how hard you try to contain this feeling, it'll always blossom out, and fighting it is just, take my word for it, stupid or your a monk. i fought it.

-

on second thought and i must say it, i hate your comment, i'm not sure if i am saying this because you are "right", but the thing is, those words, repressed feelings of grief and frustration, their so general. it really makes me think of the individuals i have met. i am sure some people are like me or similar in this regard, and had their own history, and sometimes to treat a disease you need check their individual personality and diet habits.

sorry if i been kind of serious urahara-- =p

Yes I have.

It worked, if I think it'll benefit me in the end then it's easy for me to do.

YES we are all humans and that is part of our lives

Changing myself? Never that....see here it is in black and white.....I VERY RARELY CARE ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS. IF THE RELATIONSHIP DOES NOT SOME HOW BRING ME CLOSER TO MY PERSONAL GOALS I SEE NO PURPOSE IN PURSUING IT...thank you

Sure have and funnily enough,now,I can`t get those feelings even if I tried...

In a way, I suppose.

No, i have not :)