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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Arts & HumanitiesBooks & Authors · 9 years ago

What do you think of my ghost story? Try giving it a title?

There was once a school bus driver named Victor. Victor is a kind and patient old man. He doesn’t get mad easily if the students go to the school bus late or if the students are noisy and playful. Victor was growing old and soon retired from driving. The students were transferred to different buses with younger drivers to take them to their homes. After five years since he stopped driving, Victor became ill and died because of cigarette smoking. A student named Austin heard about this since he lived near the old man’s house and visited his wake. He decides to inform the other former bus mates about this and makes a brochure. The brochure contains information about his wake like the address, cause of death, or the place of internment. He also reminds them to visit him since it’s a sign of gratitude and it’s also an opportunity to have a reunion with past friends in the school bus since he expects that all would go to his wake and afterwards talk about their present lives after not seeing each other for five years. “John, our former driver Victor passed away recently, show this brochure to our other former bus mates” Austin told John his past and present bus mate. John agrees and takes the brochure with him. John went to the houses of his former bus mates who lived in nearby streets to show them the brochure that Austin made. He showed it to Jason, Harvey, Elmer, Angelo, and Justin. Brothers Harvey and Elmer had agreed to come but Jason, Angelo, and Justin had reasons why they couldn’t come. Justin has a long test coming and he needed to review for his exams. Jason’s family had arranged to spend Jason’s birthday at the resort the following day. Angelo was busy spending time with his new girlfriend. John tried to convince them to come, but they insisted that they were very busy with their lives and they couldn’t spend even a second at the wake. Only John, Austin, and brothers Harvey and Elmer were able to come to his wake. “I’m so angry at those who did not come, I worked hard for the invitation to his wake, but they did not go” Austin said. “I know the others are busy, but I’m sure they have time to be here, even if they have things to work on they have to take breaks and do something else like going to Victor’s funeral” John said. “Those who aren’t here give no importance to the past, this is one of the rare opportunities to have a reunion like this with past friends and to say goodbye to Victor who once fetched us and they did not grab the chance” Harvey said. “Those who didn’t come are very ungrateful, he served us by bringing us home and they’re not present on the last time we would see him” Elmer said. “I’m sure Victor’s spirit is angry at them for not attending his funeral and I do hope that he will really visit them, just like what is written in the brochure that Austin made” Harvey said. Little did they know that Victor did feel the same way as what they thought and he intends to haunt the people he expects to be there. One night, while Justin was reviewing for his exams in the living room, he smelled smoke. He checked where it was coming from since it may start a fire. He saw a floating cigarette. He tried to convince himself that it wasn’t a ghostly apparition and he thought it was just a prank to make him lose concentration in his studies. The cigarette floated away and Justin decided to follow it hoping to catch the person playing tricks on him. The cigarette headed towards the door and it suddenly disappeared right in front of his eyes. Then, Justin heard footsteps coming from just outside the door. Justin opened the door to check who it was. He was horrified to see an old man in his burial clothes hovering in front of his gate. His hair stood up, seeing the old man suddenly passing through the gate. Justin shut the door and ran up to his room to hide under the covers. The following morning, Justin was awaken by a voice. “Get up, you’ll be late for your test” said a voice. Justin woke up and looked at the time. It was only half an hour before classes start. Justin wondered who the person was since he knows he was all alone in the house. He looked and saw Victor was seated at his bed beside him. “Go to my funeral after your test” Victor said and he passed through the door. Justin hurriedly took his breakfast and left for school. Also that same day, Jason and his family were preparing to leave the house. They were headed to a resort in the province where Jason would celebrate his birthday. They left very early in the morning, just before the sun was about to rise to avoid traffic on the road. Jason was seated right next to his father, who was driving the car. Jason’s mother, and his two other siblings were seated at the back of the car. They were all sleeping because they slept late the previous night and they needed to get enough rest. Through the rear view mirror, Jason saw Victor in his burial clothes who was chasing the vehicle. Jason told his father to drive faster and he was horrified to see

Update:

that the old man was now hovering in the car window beside him. He knocked as if wanting to get inside the vehicle but Jason refused to open the door for him. Victor suddenly passed through the door and Jason saw his soul possessing Jason’s father. Victor was taking control of him. “I will drive you to my house to see my funeral” Jason’s father said and he sounded like an elderly man. The father had changed his path and was headed towards Victor’s house. Jason wanted to scream but he was paralyzed with fear. Soon, they stopped in front of a small house where Victor’s body lies. “Go inside just for a while to see my wake” Jason’s father said and Victor went out of the father’s body. “What happened? What are we doing here? Why aren’t we on our way to the resort?” Jason’s father asked wondering. The father immediately drove the car away from the house, even before Jason was able to explain what happened. They kept driving back to the original route, but they find themselves back in front

Update 2:

Summary (there's a space limit):

Jason kept finding himself back in Victor's house and kept seeing Victor's soul waving at him as if inviting him to his wake but Jason did not pay attention to it. At the pool, Jason's family greeted him a happy birthday, but Jason saw Victor again and he also greeted him. Victor reminded him to visit his wake. Angelo meanwhile invited his girlfriend over to his house. There was a sighting of Victor, which the girlfriend thought was Angelo's grandfather. Victor left a note telling Angelo to go to his wake which was written in blood and he saw Victor's soul riding in the wind. Also, there was a smell of flowers and candles, like that of an internment. Angelo and his girlfriend went out of the house. There was a night when the three went out together and hitchhiked at a school bus. The bus driver was victor and he was driving them to his grave. The three friends offered Victor some flowers, candles, and prayers so he'll be in p

3 Answers

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  • 9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I agree the title should be Victor's last ride.

    Five years after he retired would sound better. I like the way Victor appears to the students who snubbed them. I think they should all end up at the grave site, even if it is after the funeral. I think they should all somehow end up at the grave site at the same time, and they can share their ghost stories and memories. You know Victor is in Heaven and he really understands that sometimes students don't know the importance of going to a funeral, or maybe they are young and don't know what to do. I am sure Victor forgave them, he is probably in Heaven having a great time and doesn't even worry about us here on earth. Peace be with you.

  • 9 years ago

    I think it cut off your story... It's not a bad story, though. Names that come to mind: Victor's Invitation, Victor's Last Ride, Final Ride, etc.

    I would be interested to read a story that wasn't horror, but this was a fine effort.

  • ?
    Lv 4
    9 years ago

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