I think I was molested as a child, but i can't remember anything... please help me?

People have asked my mom my whole life if I was ever sexually or physically abused because I was so shy and timid and wouldn't look anyone in the eyes, and I always assumed it was just my nature. When my mom describes me, however, she says I used to be a very honery, confident child, and I've seen home videos that seem to support that. I started telling my mom, "Mommy, I'm depressed, and I don't know why," when I was in probably second grade, and I've always figured that it was either just some mild form of a disorder or that I was just a kid who didn't know how to communicate how I felt. In third grade, I told my teacher I was a boy and only got up when the boys were called during games and whatnot, and my parents questioned if I was molested, probably due to that, but still thought I should mention it. In fourth grade, I started letting a dog my brother and I had found lick me down there and hump my leg, and I remember thinking, "You dirty, nasty, f***ing whore," at an age when I was still afraid of people who cussed like that. My mom walked in one day and saw it, and just stood there for a moment, looked to the table chair and saw my jeans were thrown off on it, and then looked at me, hugging the dog to hide my bare parts. She didn't bring it up later nor has she ever. I continued doing that with my dog until the end of sixth grade. Since my first, i made sure in every relationship that I was treated badly. Each either told me i wasn't worth being paid attention to when i was depressed ,called me *****/whore/slut/etc, only called me to talk dirty to me and tell me what a disgusting whore I was, used me, and/or cheated on me. I felt sad about the way I was treated sometimes, but it was a numbed sadness, and it satisfied me. I even found a way to make sure it wouldn't get in the way my self-destruction by thinking of myself as three seperate parts who all hated each other: the angry, vile one who hated the sad, weak one, and the one who watched and told me to get out of this, that i needed to get help, that i was better than that. It made it more tolerable. Anyway, moving on... Even though I let people talk down to me and treat me bad in relationships, I'd never done anything physically sexual with a person, and in the relationship before this one, the person fingered me without asking, and i said "stop," but they continued, and i didn't know what to do, but i cried when they left... They did other similar things, too. I broke up with that person after they cheated on me. I've always had a terrible problem with codependence and getting too close to people... And after I get so close, they usually end up leaving. The only person who didn't and who had similar problems, i pushed away after four years even though they probably saved my life. A few months ago, my mom and dad got into an argument over money, and she was drunk and he was asleep in the other room, and I walked in, and she said, "You know, your dad told me when you were little you grabbed him... um, down there, and you said, 'It's okay, daddy; You're asleep. No one will know.' Do you remember that?" And honestly, I didn't remember it at all, but i just when to the restroom and bawled and never went to sleep... My mom has always resented me because i was always closer to my dad, or so i thought, but now, i wonder if it was because of that. I remember she asked him once, "You'd never touch her? Even if it was an accident because you were asleep and you thought it was me, or you were drunk?" and my dad (who's always said he feels that child molesters should be ran over and over and over) yelled, "NO!" I remeber sleeping once with my dad because we had guests over, and he had a ***** in his sleep and was holding me, but i don't want to say i think my dad would ever do something to me. He isn't like that. They also both asked my brother at least once if he ever touched me, and he said no. I just don't know. I'm so lost... Remeber the person I pushed away that I mentioned? Well, we've been best friends for five years, and I pushed her away after she found out i liked her and she told me she felt the same, and in between, i wound up dating the guy who took advantage of me, but now we are past that, and closer than ever. We've been talking about how we were both molested as children, and now I'm almost certain. I match alot of the symptoms, and the more my babe and i work through our past, the more and more I'm convinced... I read somewhere that when someone does repress memories like those, they often surface at a time they feel safe in their life, and I've never felt safer than i do now, with my babe. Other than the guy I was with who went far after I said to stop, do you think I was molested as a child and I blocked it out? If so... How can I trigger my memories? Not knowing is u