What's the funniest joke you've heard?

hilarious! my fave is this:

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young Mothers and their small children.

'You all have obsessions,' he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You are obsessed With eating. You've even named your daughter Candy!'

He turned to the second Mom, Ann: 'Your obsession is With money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's Name, Penny.'

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: 'Your obsession is Alcohol. This, too, shows itself in your children's names, Sherry and Brandy.'

At this point, the fourth mother turned to one of her children and said 'D!(k, get f@nny and w!lly. We're going home'

there became a blonde using down the line quicker or later. She glanced to her good and spoke of yet another blonde sitting in a interior reach field, rowing a deliver without water in sight. The blonde angrily pulled her motor vehicle over and yelled on the rowing blonde, “What do you imagine you're doing? that's such issues as this that supply us blondes a nasty call. If i might want to swim, i might want to come available and kick your butt!” A husband and spouse had 4 boys. The undemanding area of it became that the older 3 had red hair, mild dermis, and were tall, at the same time as the youngest son had black hair, darkish eyes, and became short. the daddy ultimately took ill and became mendacity on his deathbed at the same time as he became to his spouse and suggested, "Honey, earlier I die, be completely straightforward with me - is our youngest son my toddler?" The spouse responded, "I swear on each little thing that is holy that he's your son." With that the husband gave up the ghost. The spouse then muttered, "Thank God he did not ask about the different 3." there became magician on a cruise deliver, and he became extremely reliable. He became appearing the spotlight of his teach at the same time as a parrot walked onstage and squawked, ''that's in his sleeve!'' The magician chased the chicken away. the subsequent day the magician became appearing his spotlight again (in the front of a smaller target market) at the same time as the parrot walked onstage and declared, ''that's in his pocket!'' the subsequent day, as he became appearing the spotlight, he spoke of the parrot interior the team. yet earlier the parrot might want to ruin the magic trick, the boat crashed right into a rock and sank. The magician became fortunate adequate to locate a board to allure to close on to. on the different end of the board became the parrot. They stared at one yet another for 3 finished days, neither of them declaring something, at the same time as without note the parrot suggested, ''I supply up, what'd you do with the deliver?'' there have been 3 nuns of their room and the first nun suggested " i got here upon a unclean mag interior the fathers room! " and the 2d nun suggested " what did you do with it?" and the first nun suggested " i threw it away" then the 2d nun suggested "i got here upon a field of condoms!" and the first nun suggested " what did yo do with them?" and the first nun suggested " i poked holes is all of them" and the third nun fainded

Ke$ha

Here's one my older sister told. It's not the funniest but it's the one I remember the best:

Ok so there was a laundry detergent saleswoman, she was going house to house selling her magic laundry detergent, her work days were monday through wednesday and her goal was to sell to 1 box of laundry detergent a day.

So on Monday she knocks on her first house and the male comes to the door and the saleswoman says, " Hi sir, I`m selling magic laundry detergent, may I have a few minutes of your precious time". The man replies to her " Ma`am if you can show me why your magic detergent is so magical I'll buy it" the saleswoman replies to the resident "Ok may I please have a used dirty shirt of yours" The man gives her his shirt and she takes it and uses two scoops of her magic detergent and she says "You must sing this song and smell your clothing every time you wash your clothes" So she begins with her magic detergent & song: "Wishy wishy washy clear blue cheer wishy wishy washy wash right here wishy wishy I put it to my nose (sniff sniff) & it smells like a ROSE!" The man smells his shirt and is more then satisfied with his shirt and buys 3 boxes and then she goes home.

The next day she sets off to complete her goal once again , she comes across a woman who lives down the street to her first customer`s house.She knocks on her door and asks the same thing she asks the first customer, the woman replies "If you can show me why your detergent is better than the rest, I'll buy it" the detergent saleswoman smirks and replies "Okay ma'am. Do you have a pair of old dirty jeans" then the woman gives the saleswoman her pants and again the saleswoman explains that the magic only works when singing and smelling her clothes so the woman begins again with her song "Wishy wishy washy clear blue cheer wishy wishy washy wash right here wishy wishy I put it to my nose (sniff sniff) & it smells like a - ROSE!" more then satisfied the woman buys three boxes of the sales women detergent.

The next day the saleswoman sets out to complete her mission, she ends up on the same street as her last two customers and she knocks on the door of a young male again she asks the same question and again the resident replies: "If you can show me why your laundry detergent is so awsome I`ll buy it" she then asks for his dirty used underwear a little uneasy he still decides to grant her request again the saleswoman explains the smelling and the song, so then she starts her song again "Wishy wishy washy clear blue cheer, wishy wishy washy wash right here wishy wishy I put it to my nose (sniff sniff) OH MY GOSH wishy wishy washy LOL.......

What do you call a gorilla wearing ear plugs?

Anything you like....he can't hear you.

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh.

I like childish jokes like: "Why don't they play poker in the jungle?... Because there are too many Cheetahs"

Or a jew joke: " How do you start a jewish marathon?... Roll a penny down a hill"

Old. Not funny anymore after hearing it about a hundred time, but I'll laugh anyway just to humor you. Hahahahahaha!

I have a bunch, but this isn't the appropriate place to post it.

Edit:

Okay...here's one for ya:

How Long is a chinese man.

Get it? How Long, is a chinese man.

Q: What do you call a gay dinosaur?

A: A mega-sore-***.

hey slim shady

Whats the difference between a pizza and a Jew?