What do you think of this extract?

I'm currently testing this scene (not sure if I should have it in). This is the boyfriend of the MC and it's narrating from his POV (I switch a lot). He used to be a 'bad boy' however I am trying to show how he has changed, both through his actions and narration.

What do you think? Is the description good, okay, bad...etc? I just want a general comment about it.

Cheers :)

(note - inspired after my first time in a proper night club :P)

My whole body shook by the mere vibrations of the music. It was so loud and forced that every inch of my being felt as if it was being thumped, and my chest quaked in the wake of each song. I could feel the ground beneath my feet move by the intense throbbing of the speakers and the whole room was enveloped in a thick mist.

Drug induced people danced on the dance floor, pounding their feet to the beat of the music and tunelessly singing the songs which followed. Girls grinded over guys’ laps and the guys reciprocated by dragging their bodies up against that of the girls’ in a sexual manner, which nine-times-out-of-ten lead to more.

Drunken teenagers slovenly made out with one another or puked all over each other’s shoes. That’s what happens when people don’t know their limits and just drink the night away until it was too late. They either end up in bed with someone or passed out on a park bench from having drunk too much.

The music was so loud that I could barely hear the person standing next to me, and even then they had to shout just to make any sense out of them. It was unnecessarily loud, but I guess I was the only one that found a problem with it.

“Vincent!”

I looked to my left to see Lewis standing beside me. He was a friend from school that I hung out with every now and then when I had nothing better to do.

“You having fun?” he screamed as he handed me a corona beer.

I nodded and took a large gulp of the cold beer. It felt nice as it slid down my throat.

Lewis patted me on the back and weakly managed to scream above the music; “Happy birthday, man! Hope this ain’t a disappointment!”

I shook my head and took another gulp from the beer.

The dance floor was nothing more than a heap of bodies writhing to the beats of the music. People grabbed hold of each other and just squished up so closely it was almost as if they were contained by a glass box. Yet from amid the mass of people strutted out a gorgeous girl with bleach blond hair, fake eyelashes, false nails and so much spray-on tan she was almost orange. She wore a skimpy pink dress which barely covered her **** and made her breasts bulge out from it. She winked as she neared me.

“You see that, man!” Lewis laughed and then strutted towards her, but she gave him a scornful look and pushed him away.

Before I even had a chance to react she latched herself around my neck, pressing herself against my body and peering at me deeply with her drug induced eyes. Her breath reeked of alcohol and her wobbly posture reflected her drunkenness. Drunkenly she ran her hand down my face and then my chest.

“Hello, Mia,” I said in an unimpressed tone of voice.

She grinned, “Why hello, my knight in shining armour,” a giggle escaped her lips, “I haven’t seen you in a long time,”

I frowned, and in turn she puckered her lips. Without having to think I pushed her away.

“You’ve had enough, go home,” sternly I said.

She pouted at me and frowned in disbelief.

“Me? Go home? Jesus, what’s happened to you Vinny, you’re such a prude,” she exclaimed as she pushed her body up against mine again, “Remember all the fun we used to have together? All those sleepless nights where I made you call out my name?” she enticed.

I scowled at her, “That was a long time ago, Mia. I’ve changed,”

“A leopard doesn’t change its spots, sweetheart – you’ll always come back to me, because ‘I’ know what you like,” again, she giggled.

With an exhale or irritancy, I pushed her way again and took a large gulp of my beer.

“Go away, Mia,”

Like a leech she wrapped her arms around me again. I was starting to lose my temper.

“Come on, just one more night. I’ll make you feel _so_ good,” drunkenly she giggled.

“I have a girlfriend,”

“So? That never stopped you before?”

I snapped my head down and glared at her.

A sly grin appeared across her face, “Oh, I see. You never told your little princess that you cheated on her with me no more than a _week_ into your relationship,” she tutted and swung her index finger back and forth in a condemning way, “Naughty little boy. I guess I’m just gonna have to punish you,”

In anger I thrust her body away from mine. In a drunken stumble she slipped on her high heels and fell flat on her ****. Some people turned to face me, and even Lewis was a bit surprised by my outburst. Without saying anything or justifying my actions, I grabbed hold of my jacket which hung over the chair and stormed out of the club.