Do I have Attention Deficit Disorder?

Question

I think I might have ADD, or inattentive ADHD. I'm fourteen. I have a lot of trouble remembering things; I forget things virtually ALL THE TIME. It doesn't help that my parents are divorced, which means a whole other house to lose things in. It's mostly forgetting things, but I feel really stupid sometimes. I'll be talking with my friends, or half listening, and I feel like my friends always have to explain things a second time because I didn't hear them. I only forgot things once in a while, until I did the school play. It was so much fun, but it took a ton of time with all of the rehearsals and stuff. It recently finished, but my life has been crazier since then. Right after it was over, I couldn't find my expensive lunchbox or jacket. You would think my jacket was the least of my worries, but it was the jacket my mom forced me to buy after I lost my other one. Well, I found both, (THANK GOODNESS!!!!) but my mom's really upset at me because I was so stressed finding everything that I forgot to get her to sign a permission slip and almost missed my bus because she had to fill it out. Now she's talking to my dad about it, and I feel like my life's falling apart. (Just so you know, I've been forgetting things for years, it's not just this week.) Well I don't know how, but I sort of came to the conclusion that I might have ADD, a.k.a. ADHD: inattentive form. I can pretty much to relate to nearly every symptom. :
“zoning out” without realizing it, even in the middle of a conversation.
extreme distractibility; wandering attention makes it hard to stay on track.
difficulty paying attention or focusing, such as when reading or listening to others.
struggling to complete tasks, even ones that seem simple.
tendency to overlook details, leading to errors or incomplete work.
poor listening skills; hard time remembering conversations and following directions.
(http://www.helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_adult_symptoms.htm)
and
Doesn’t pay attention to details
Makes careless mistakes
Has trouble staying focused; is easily distracted
Appears not to listen when spoken to
Has difficulty remembering things and following instructions
Has trouble staying organized, planning ahead, and finishing projects
Gets bored with a task before it’s completed
Frequently loses or misplaces homework, books, toys, or other items
(http://www.helpguide.org/mental/adhd_add_signs_symptoms.htm)

Yes, I can pretty much relate to every symptom. But may websites say that an ADD patient usually struggles in school. However, I have all A's in all advanced classes. How does this make sense????

Also, if I DO have ADD, how do I tell my parents?? My mom just thinks I'm lazy, and if I only applied myself, I'd be fine. She's disappointed that I'm not focusing. Same with my dad. The last thing they would ever think of is me having ADD. Also, ADD is supposed to be hereditary, but to the best of my knowledge, neither my mom or my dad had or has ADD. My mom tries to make up lame excuses that she forgot some things as a kid, but I think we both know that she didn't forget things nearly as much as I do. How would I tell them or ask to get me tested, without them thinking that I'm faking it? I have lied out of impulse in the past, and although I read that that is one of the symptoms, what if she thinks I'm lying? How do I explain to them about all the research I've been doing?

But what If they do get me tested (however unlikely) and it turns out I don't have it? what then??


If I could have any advice, preferable people experienced with this, I would be so grateful.

Michael R · Accepted Answer

First of all, don't worry about what the label is (ADD, ADHD, Inattentive ADD, etc.)  The fact is you have something that is disturbing you and making it difficult for you to succeed in your life.  That needs to be your focus.  If you do have the clinical disorder ADD, O.K., there are treatments for that.  If you don't, so what?  You are still having problems that need to be dealt with.  
You need help dealing with the things that are troubling you.  That is going to require outside help.  You need to talk to somebody with more education, experience, and resources than a group of strangers on Yahoo Answers.  
How to go about getting that help?  That is probably going to require the assistance of your parents - and besides, they need to be involved (and believe me, they want to be involved) in helping you overcome these problems.  
Pick a time when your folks can give you their undivided attention.  Actually make an appointment to talk to them.  Make sure to give a wide enough time frame that no one involved has to hurry away for some other obligation (or has the excuse to break off the discussion if it becomes uncomfortable).  Explain to them that you have concerns that you think might have a medical underpinning.  Tell them that you would like to get some help finding the cause of the concerns, and that they are your first step in getting that help.  You might want to print out the question you wrote here (and any appropriate answers that you receive) to show them.  It will give them a chance to see what you are feeling without side issues popping up.  
You are going to need to go to your doctor.  You want to rule out that there is anything physical that is creating difficulties.  The doctor can give you a referral to a doctor who would be able to test/diagnose/treat what is going on with you.  
Next I am going to recommend something that may be more difficult for you and your folks to swallow.  I very strongly suggest that you and your parents get counseling from a Family, Marriage, and Child counselor.  An FMC specializes in the dynamics of the family and in helping people talk to one another.  It's like having a referee for family discussions - and a referee who can also teach all the family members how to solve conflicts in the future.  A half dozen sessions can absolutely work miracles in improving family communication - to everybody's benefit.  Parents drive their teenage kids crazy - and it is fully reciprocal.  Being able to talk to one another, with the full expectation that the talk will actually have some effect, does wonders to reduce the insanity.  

You asked for people with experience.  I taught Special Ed at the Middle School level for 12 years, and my wife also teaches.  We are both very experienced in dealing with ADD/ADHD students, including those who have not yet been diagnosed.  I also raised 4 daughters who are all now successful adults.  Part of the reason we all survived their growing up was FMC counseling so that we could all talk, and listen, to each other.

Rod · Answer

My Mom and Dad did not divorce and they stood by me all of my life. So the next time you are taken to task ask, "Mom what would really fix me up is you staying together with Dad and loving me for the rest of my life cause right now I am anxious about what is happening." "Dad, I need you to care for Mom and care for me , why are you leaving?"

By the time they stop choking on their champagne or chablis they will have realised what a mess they have made, so stop being polite and blaming yourself for your feelings.

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Do I have Attention Deficit Disorder?

2 Answers