Divorce, Retirement pension question?

To get a definitive answer, you need an attorney. He/she will write a motion to the family court and the court will decide how to divide the marital assets.

But here's my take- the court will look at lots of factors including the time you've been married. Assume that he worked for two years before you married. You'll be entitled to half of what he earned *during* your marriage. You've been married 25 years and let's assume he'll retire in five years, giving him 32 years of service.. You should get half of 25/32 of his pension. And let's assume you didn't start working until you'd been married eight years. (You said you have 17 years.) And we'll have to assume you won't retire for another ten years. He'll be entitled to half of 17/27 of your pension. (The court may break this down further, to include months.) Can't say for sure because we don't know when you'll retire and the court probably won't insist on anyone retiring. It'll be even more complicated because neither of you will retire by the time your divorce gets final. There will be some tweaking, deciding the date the marriage ended. This could be in the past, possibly when someone filed or another date that your attorneys agree on, the date of some event that indicated one of you intended to end the marriage.

How to get the "best" benefit? For starters, try to agree on as much as possible rather than spending your money (read "marital assets") on attorneys. The less you use an attorney, the more money there will be in the community kitty to divvy up. This is good advice, but isn't always possible.

The beneficiaries of his pension - you mean "survivors," right? He can designate anyone he wants. If he chooses to designate a new woman, he can do so. He can also designate a charity, his siblings, or any other entity. He can do this even without a divorce. So can you. (This takes us beyond the legal realm, into cultural definitions of decency. I think it would be a pretty mean person to take something away from his children, but that's my personal opinion, not legally binding on him.)

With a long-term marriage, there will be several big issues. You will need real legal help, a lot better than you'll find here. Confirm what I've said with your attorney. The pensions are just a part of the whole mess. You'll also have other assets to divide, everything from the family home, cars, bank accounts, life insurance, IRA and personal property to consider. Then, with a long-term marriage there will be spousal support (aka "alimony") plus child support and custody. Each of these can be very difficult to litigate. Sure, he can have his car and you can have your car. He'll get the lawn mower and you'll get the kitchen appliances. But don't squabble too much because the squabbling will cost you several hundreds of dollars per hour to resolve. If the disputed item is under an hour of your attorney's time, just let it go. Spend your resources where they'll do you the most good.

If you can calculate the value of your retirement that he'll get, and you can do the same for his retirement that you'll get, maybe you can negotiate a settlement. This is an area where a good attorney can earn his money. If you're in California, there's a "lifetime support" factor that may benefit you. (In theory, if he gets a job at age 90, he has to pay alimony.)

You'll learn a lot about family court. But try to settle as much as you can outside of the courtroom because it'll be cheaper ("better") for both of you. The biggest asset is likely your house. You'll have to consider what to do if he wants to buy out your share of the equity. Or if you want to buy out his share. Bottom line: Each of you will experience some lowering of your standard of living. This can't be avoided. Expect changes, not all of which will be pleasant. And get a counselor to help with your emotional problems. The kids may benefit from counseling as well. Even your STBX can benefit, no matter who filed for divorce. The process is a lot like a death in the family, except you can't cry over a coffin and then go home: there's no definite grieving process for a divorce. Be careful that the brave face you put on doesn't become a hostile one because evident hostility won't really make you feel better. Try to accept the loss, but don't let yourself get used and abused.

Best bet- consult with your attorney regarding division of marital assets. That's what they get paid for. Hope you get a handle on your situation here, but the best source of info is your attorney. ... Good luck!!

I certainly know what you are talking about, but here's the problem. The only thing courts will usually watch over are the issues regarding minor children - everything else they want to decide right there and then - to put the matter at an end. But how a court can do that in your situation is beyond me. You might decide to work more years - he might decide the same. God forbid, but something could happen to either of you forcing retirement prior to the planned date.

I can say this - NO court is going to even consider what he does regarding the children - that's strictly his business - the court won't even deal with that.

If I was in your shoes I'd ask any divorce attorney BEFORE I hired them if they had ever handled a case like yours. Call them and ask for a FREE 30-minute consultation and go ask that question first, and be looking them square in the eyes when you do.

It seems to me that a 50-50 split would be reasonable - where each of you gave the other 1/2 of your retirement. But would that really be fair if you decided to stay on for another 15 years and he never got 1/2 of yours? And unless you hated your job - why not do that and have a full-time income plus 1/2 of his retirement while increasing your own. I'm not saying you'd do that - but I think you can see where someone might do that.

My guess is your situation isn't all that unusual and a good attorney will know how to handle it. But I damned sure would want to find out if they had handle such a case before. Good luck.

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Hello again, I answered a previous question of yours and for some reason, I ran upon someone else's question and it sounds like your husband's mistress. I will copy and paste her post below, and perhaps you can decide whether or not this sounds like her. She goes by the name "Maggy" from Albany, NY (but how many of us provide our real name and location on here?). Here's her post:

I work with a married man who I now live with. His wife is mean and we became close at work. He left his wife and kids two years ago. She finally is filing for divorce. Why do people think it is so wrong? I hear 2nd marriages only survive 30% of the time...but, I know he loves me, and we get along and we are soul mates. The one thing that bothers me is his kids won't talk to him (teenagers), so he won't give them anything other than his support and his wife thinks that is wrong. Anyway, how many people out there have had a good long 2nd marriiage. I have never been married and I really want to be, as I am in my 40's. Do men ever go back to their wives after this long. Will he always have feelings for her as they have children together and were married 25 years? He seems to hate her at times because I think she is so hurt and will not be civilized with him as long as he is with me...that's what she says.. I sometimes wonder why he never filed for divorce, since he is the one who left. Maybe he really wouldn't marry me?

4 hours ago - 4 days left to answer. Report Abuse Additional Details

I know there are a lot of 'haters', but he was never a cheater their whole marriage, and I don't believe he will be with me, as long as we get along. They got married young, they had some financial issues and he was always stressed. By the way, he does text his kids once in a while. his son, who is now 18, bluntly told him "no good father would hurt my mother so bad"...she claims she never wants her kids holding a grudge for what happens in their marriage..I don't know her....I don't know if that is true..maybe she should have not shown sadness in front of them...and why should he keep contacting them if they hurt his feelings? He has a right to be happy too....at least my mom and family love him...

4 hours ago

Homewrecker? Why do people blame 'the other woman"?

Is there anyone who would agree that if a married man DECIDES, on his own free will to be with another woman...that it is not 'the other woman's fault"...I did not make a vow/promise to his wife and kids...who knows, if it wasn't me..it may have been someone else..I was just the lucky one...His 'wife' is the other woman now...she should let it go and move on...get a grip already...what planet is she from to still hope their marriage can work....

21 minutes ago - 4 days left to answer

If you live in a community property state, then normally all assets and all debts are split 50/50. However, there is no hard and fast rule. Everything financial is subject to negotiation. For instance, one party may be willing to give up the other persons pension, for a larger share of something else...like the equity in the home,or continued medical coverage. This is something that it would behoove you to agree upon before the lawyers become involved. No one wins in a divorce case except attorneys. In addition, there is no law that protects your children and their inheritance. How your soon to be ex's inheritance is doled out is strictly his decision and his alone.

I wish you success in your new life.

here are numerous reasons why a once committed relationship would degenerate to one partner asking for a divorce. how to save your marriage https://tr.im/W6exv

It could have been:

- an affair

- having been separated by a long distance for lengths of time

- conflict

- behavioral issues or psychological problems of one spouse

- even unmanaged addictions.

Whatever of these problems may be what is seen on the surface, the bottom line is that usually, barring any abuse or psychological problems that are best handled by a professional, a couple find themselves in danger of divorce when there is a loss of:

- communication,

- love

- and intimacy

in the marital relationship.

My wife is set to retire from the state and she can take 100% of her pension for herself if she chooses. You can change your beneficiary any time you choose because the pension is yours and yours alone and his and his alone. In my state pensions are not marital assets so you need to check with an attorney because they may not be in your state either. A friend of mine who just retired made the decision to take all his pension because his wife will retire in 2 years and she will take all hers.

don't worry, the British government is suffering from the American disease, the ex wife gets the lot regardless if she runs off with someone else, i know, she had the house and everything at the value of £280,000 and cash of £16,000 and now she wants my pension and guess what? she will get it

it is completely negotiable between you two

my ex wife waived all rights to my 20 year pension in exchange for something else

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RE :Divorce, Retirement pension question?

Unhappily my husband and I are headed towards divorce. We both have pensions through our employer (State government). He has approximately 26 years and I have approximately 17 years. How are pensions calculated and split? Will my lawyer calculate it? Do they figure the percentage, since he has more years than I?

Any advice in what to ask for to get the best benefit? He will most likely retire at least 5 years before I do, so would I get payments starting when he retires, then when I retire, I pay him a share of mine? Can the court force him to always keep our children as beneficiaries of the pension plan, rather than a new woman or someone else?

Thanks

Update: Please do not respond if you do not have a legitimate answer!

Rarri and ryde.on...you did not answer the question, so obviously you are just mean people with mean comments....I never said I was unhappily married....also pensions are MARITAL ASSETS.. he is entitled to mine just as much as I am entitled to his- It is the law...you spend 25 years with someone, you own EVERYTHING together!!!

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