Help in what to call us as their Legal Guardians?

Question

My cousin has 2 small children and is due soon with her third. None of the dads are in the picture. She had her kids taken away by CPS twice in the last year (there is allegations of possible Munchhausen's) . We've done all we can , but she's interested in handouts, not a hand up. At this point, there is a trial set for next week to decide if the charges have merit or are dismissed. Even if they do, she has nowhere to live with the kids. She has stayed with us for a few nights here and there, but we live on base and long-term local guests are not allowed. To be quite frank, she's bipolar and I cannot take living with her for more than a few days. So at this point, it looks like the court will grant my husband and I legal guardianship (the mother put us in for a home study and its close to being completed). We've been watching and helping with the kids since right after the second child was born. The kids lived with us half of last year and the older child went with me and my kids when we traveled to my home state for a month last summer to visit the kids.
  So here goes: what should they call us? I'd love to say she'll get her act together in 18 months and successfully petition to get them back, but her poor choices haven't gotten any better in the last year and my husband and I are prepared to raise the children to adulthood. The eldest calls my husband Daddy because she has no daddy in the picture and she hears our children call him that. She's been trying to call me mommy for awhile now, but I kept gently correcting her and calling myself Cousin (name). We moved here a year ago and became heavily involved after we moved. I don't want to push my cousin into hysterics, but if we are going to be their guardians, is it awful to just let her call me what she wants to? We love these kids like a parent and are bringing them into our house to be raised with our kids. The second born is barely talking, so I'm sure the younger siblings will do what the older does. The eldest is 3, if age matters.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

we do fostercare, and the 2nd day that some children were here, they were calling us mommy and daddy and sister. just let them call you whatever they want, these children need someone to call mom and dad, its a closure thing for them. just love them and respond to whatever they feel they should call you. :)

Mrs. Mom ( 5 and counting) · Answer

I have never adopted, but I have 5 kids, and would take my sibling's kids if needed.... Here are some thoughts.

Do you plan on allowing the mother to visit regularly? To have partial custody or any other such thing? 

If so, perhaps it would be best if the babies call you "Aunty" or some other term of endearment simpler and cuter than Cousin so n so, to avoid confusion and difficulties with the mother.

Do you think the birth mom is going to be upset to hear her babies calling you Mommy? Could you ask her what she'd like? 

Do you think she won't have any access to the children and is unlikely to get her act together? 
In that case perhaps calling you something like Mama, or Mum, might be more appropriate.

And if you really want to be Mommy, and you don't think (or don't care) that it might upset the birth mom, then by all means, once you have adopted them you are well within your rights to be called Mommy. (But perhaps legal guardianship isn't the same as adoption?)

What do the babies call their mother right now? Maybe you want something a little different from that?

Again, these are all just thoughts to give you something to chew on. No one can make this decision for you. If I were in your position I think I would have them call me Aunty, or something in the hopes that the mother would one day be able to care for her children. But that's with MY relatives, and I don't know your's or how likely that is with your's... and I don't have any idea how you feel about the name.

Anonymous · Answer

I'd be going with Auntie and Uncle (firstnames), if only because Cousin Firstname is so unusual and attention-getting.

Not at all surprising that toddlers use the same names for you that your own kids do, but I wouldn't encourage it. Not when you're going to be guardians, not parents, and their mum is a relative who will (hopefully) still be in their lives.

Theodoor W · Answer

Make clear you are not "MOTHER". Accept things like mommy, ma and such, but do not promote that , keep referring to yourself as cousin name. It''s like a balancing act, you do not want to be seen as an ursupator, but you also want to offer the li'l ones a home.

Anonymous · Answer

let them call you what they want to call you. if she's calling you mommy then don't correct her.

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Help in what to call us as their Legal Guardians?

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