A simple love song I wrote long ago,which i hope to share .Please C/C.?

Question

Our  Love  Song-I will always be there

We give, we take and we tried the best to accommodate
We feel, we touch and we learn to love each every day
We praise, we swear and we put in our very best
We turn, we twist  and even with bruises which we did `t care
We forgive , we entrust and we `ve reached that far
It is not how near or far we can go through in time and space 
Or even when  our young faces wear and age
It is definitely the sincerity and perseverance 
For  we `ve always played our roles like superstars
And  done them  so zealous in one sweet pair
So even now and forever or when  I get old
If chance is given I will always be there

Nat · Accepted Answer

A sincere poem, one with many good elements.
I've seen many of your answers in poem
form that are more succinct, and focused.
I would revise a bit, rearrange some, for you
have the makings of a fine composition.
Think you your beat .
Think of which syllable the accent
first falls at the beginning of each line.
In voicing and emotion, well done.

Rosalinda · Answer

Hi. i like it, very touching and heartfelt, yes she will love it.  you should give it to her.  you painted a vivid pictures words, it's like music to the ears. Thanks for sharing.

? · Answer

That's very nice. I'm sure your partner will love it.

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A simple love song I wrote long ago,which i hope to share .Please C/C.?

3 Answers