I am being too controlling by wanting my boyfriend to get a job?

Question

My boyfriend lost his job in online gaming 3 months ago- he effectively quit by getting into an argument with his manager so he got fired.

He really hated working in gaming and doesn't want to get a similar job.  That is the main industry here so he would have to work quite hard to find a different sort of job.  Since he lost his job he hasn't really made any effort to get a job- he had two interviews a week after and then that was it.  He very rarely even comes into town so I know he is not looking.

His argument is that he has savings and he doesn't need to work, also he is doing a distance learning degree.   I am worried that the savings will run out and he will find it harder to get a job as he has so little experience and is not getting any!  Also if he walked out of the only job he's had in the 2 years we've been together after only 5 months, then I don't know if I can rely on him to support me if we have kids etc. 

He does do more housework than me but gives a list of things he wants me to do- walk the dogs etc.- the moment I walk through the door, exhausted, at 6.30, which causes a lot of arguments.

He also doesn't really have any friends here or hobbies and doesn't seem interested in getting any, so I get frustrated that he is in the house ALL the time and I never get the opportunity just to play computer games or read a book by myself because he will be over my shoulder asking me to do housework or spend time with him.

Cindy · Accepted Answer

I don't think you're being controlling at all! Does he not feel the need to "man up" and get a job, therefore taking responsibility for his life? Where did this savings come from? You and I both know that's not going to last forever... how long does he expect it to? Sure, he's doing an online degree... but how much of his day do you think that counts for? I can bet you it's not very long at all.

He seems lazy to me... although that's harsh to say. He's making excuses for why he shouldn't be an adult and get a job. Also, since he doesn't do anything during the day, why shouldn't he clean? He honestly has nothing else to do! I would be furious if he handed me a list of things to do when he certainly had the time to do them, meanwhile you're working your *** off at work. Ugh. The things I could say!

I would not look for this man (er, boy? that's how he's acting) to support you in the future, and I certainly would not want to start a family with someone who acted like this. Tell him to get out, look for a job, and do SOMETHING or else it's over! That should be motivation enough. If that doesn't work, then you know it wasn't mean to be if he is not willing to grow up, even if it means losing you.

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I am being too controlling by wanting my boyfriend to get a job?

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