Can women have male "friends"?

Question

It is a very common adage that men and women cannot be friends. From this urban aphorism it is immediately concluded that it is the male who is responsible for this. But is it really true?

I decided some months ago to perform a personal experiment. As I am no longer interested in romantic or long-term relationships, and thus possess no apprehensions or fears of failure or rejection, I made it a point to approach women completely at ease and with no sentimentality or sexual lust polluting my behavior, to see what happens. 

What I found out was surprising.

With women that showed no interest in my approaches, it was clear they did not want any kind of friendship. Yes, they said the right things like "let's be friends" or suggested we could have coffee or text on occasion, but the truth is they never initiated contact and never wanted to really talk to me. It was predictably a way to softly reject me, or to not seem rude.

This result for that group makes sense really.

The 2nd is much more shocking however. Women that seem to show interest for something further, aside from smiling all the time and playing with their hair, made all efforts possible to have one-on-one time, either at their jobs or by texting. Obviously they laughed at all my jokes even if the sucked, they pro-actively texted me, and showed great pathos and concern for even small things that affected my day. Now I never really indicated to them I was interested in anything, I was just being quite friendly and showed an interest in talking to them further.

BUT... the vast majority, after some weeks of the same and me "not making a move", suddenly (always suddenly), would cease contact. I would wait and wait but they would not text. I would go to where they work but always find them behind a counter and unable to leave their post. And most telling, in about 1 in 3 cases I would eventually see them with another guy, when clearly they were not dating when I first met them as I had never seen them with that guy, then suddenly he was "there".

Now, I understand why the first group shunned me and the 2nd group eventually eschewed me... But that still does not explain why in either case (both uninterested or interested women), they did not make further attempts to be my friend. Remember, we are talking about situations outside school, work, or social gathering... thus it is incumbent upon either me or the other person to keep the acquaintance active, as no meeting opportunity forcefully occurs.

Does this prove that it is not just men that can't be friends, but that women are just as guilty of this result? It seems that unless the man is gay, they cannot really hold male friends outside school, work, or any situation of "common interest", because either they are not interested in the guy, or eventually seem to grow tired of the guy not making a move. 

Thoughts?

Hark · Accepted Answer

I'd say that they can.

I'll expound on this more in a few hours, I have to go to class, but you should seriously keep this question open for a day so that I can really write up a good answer.

EDIT:
Okay, I'm back from class. What I'm going to suggest is that it was the girls that you picked for your experiment that were the problem, not the whole of the female population. I'll use my own experiences.

Back in the day (like ninth grade high school) I became pretty good friends with this one girl, and there was mutual interest, but I was a bit of a pussy and didn't ever do anything about it, and this led to a similar result to your second group. Even though I tried to continue the friendship, she just kind of stopped communicating with me.

In like tenth grade, I became close friends with another girl, whom I ended up liking, but there was no return from her. I never told her I liked her, but it was pretty obvious. We're still close friends till this day (some six years after first becoming friends) and there's no more-than-friends feelings coming from either side.

Currently, I'm good friends with this other girl. I like her, she showed some initial signs, but now I'm more or less friends-zoned. She knows I like her. I made sure to tell her that whatever happened, though, it would not affect our friendship. And it hasn't.

So, I'd say that it's based more upon who you become friends with, rather than the gender of the person. I mean, think of how many people (male and female) you meet and you're like "we should grab a drink sometime" as just a friendly gesture, but never really do.

? · Answer

First, I commend any attempt you have taken to understand human nature, however skewed or bias the conclusion.
Second, if you don't care to date anymore, how about using this profound amount of energy you have for the social sciences and enroll in clinical psychology or social work.
Finally, I'm a little puzzled about some details of your experiment. You mention that you seen some of your subjects "at work", but initially met them under less intimate/pervasive circumstances.
   It also seems as though your initial conclusion before your experiment was leaning on women not being able to be friends with a man unless they were homosexual; this may be telling had you opened the window to include those of any sexual orientation that identifies with opposite sex behavioral characteristics.
   As a part of your experiment, it would have helped your reader tremendously if you would have used standard dialog with every woman you met so as to omit as much variable as possible. The control group would have been women you said nothing to but surrounded yourself around for the same amount of time as the experimental group; each group would have been recorded for reaction that was prehypothisized (i.e. level of interest based on x response). The setting you choose should stay regular/ no varying setting, times. 
This would have been a true experimental set-up yeilding informative results. For all the reader knows, the women you approached may have felt you were too invasive, forward, and desperate.
Women have excellent intuitive skills as part of their means of survival. Real friendships take time to develop by connecting over MUTUAL interests and hobbies; initial meetings are abstract, indifferent, or minimally invasive, and then build to a stronger connection.
I appreciate your efforts!

Anonymous · Answer

Friends are about as hard to come by as find a new significant other.  You have to have chemistry with someone.  It doesn't have to be any sort of attraction, but there have to be shared interests.  Same thing as having guy friends.  I would think you only befriend those you share interests with, us women work the same way.  I've had male friends that I truly enjoy their company, but there was no attraction or emotional connection that could lead to something more.

First · Answer

Yes. They can. That's just like asking if a guy can have female friends. If anyone's worried of their girlfriend having male friends they should leave her, cause obviously he can't trust her.

Anonymous · Answer

Umm yeah not every girl is instantly in love with every guy and vise versa they can be friends.

carlos_gavito · Answer

Men are pigs.  

That is all.

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Can women have male "friends"?

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