Why am I so undesirable?

Question

I'm a 16 year old girl in grade 11 in Canada, and it seems like everyone I know is in a serious, lengthy relationship. Meanwhile, I've been alone for quite a long time. Don't get me wrong, I'm not out hunting for a relationship so as to fit in with my classmates, not at all. It's just a bit disconcerting, and it obviously makes me think. As much as I'd like to say I don't understand why I'm undesirable, I can think of a thousand reasons why I am... but I can also think of a few reasons why I'm not.

Basically, this is me. I'm relatively tall and thin with very long legs, and average bust/hips. I have shortish blonde hair with a "indie quiff" as my friends call it for my fringe. It's my favourite thing about my appearance, but takes a lot of work and looks bad if I don't spend enough time on it. I have large blue-green eyes with long eyelashes, and a small nose and mouth. I do have a really big forehead though, ugh, but I try to cover it with my fringe, and I have acne. I have a slim European "willowy" body type (being from Ireland, not Canada), which obviously means no Canadian clothes fit me properly. I dress pretty weirdly, not going to lie. I'm half mod, half punk, and I buy the majority of my clothes from London, England because they just fit and look better, and no one else I know has anything like them, as different, artsy. I get a lot of compliments on my dress sense but I also get a lot of weird stares, so it evens out. On average, I definitely not on the same page as American beauty is operating, but I don't think I'm that ugly..

I'm not daft or anything, I have an IQ of about 130 and have a 90% average, so it shouldn't be that I'm ditzy. I play the drums, guitar, and bass, and I can sing quite well. That's pretty much expected of me though, because I'm "the music girl" at school, who has every album by every good rock band on vinyl and such. I work as a rock music journalist, I read a lot of Russian literature, I volunteer as an art teacher, I'm a longtime vegetarian, I smoke weed fairly regularly, I'm bilingual, I'm a marxist and atheist... On average I just have a lot of very strong opinions, and I voice them pretty heavily because I'm not shy. I imagine this can be pretty off putting, but I mean I'd feel like a fake if I lied about my opinion if it was asked. I'm not terribly bubbly or cheery, which once again I imagine can be kind of a downer, but that's just not who I am; I'm cynical, I'm acerbic, I'm a lot like Dylan Moran, and I'm not bubbly. I do have a lot of friends, so I'm fairly sure I'm not an entirely revolting person. I admit I can be kind of unwelcoming at times and I'm definitely weird, but I'm not some antisocial grump or anything, I am relatively easygoing and amicable. The main things I've been called are "intimidating", and "unfriendly". 

I suppose I was just looking for reasons, and maybe a few pointers in the personality section that could be made without changing myself intrinsically. It's just all so frustrating. Back in Europe men looked at me in the streets, here, they seem to regard me as less than dirt... I need help! :(

Issylove · Accepted Answer

Honestly, you sound like a wonderful, awesome person. But, as a teenager, you've gotta realize people typically do not embrace originality or creativity with as much enthusiasm as you may want.  You are so sure of yourself, a sense of confidence resonates from your post. And, like you said, for many people that IS "intimidating". Being open and loud and REAL makes narrow minded people uncomfortable. Men, as I've experienced, enjoy chasing the simple targets: girls without a single idea in their heads. Society has distorted our views on beauty and unless you're Barbie's twin, you aren't beautiful. You have more under your belt then most boys your age do, and that can be scary. You have a brain. You have opinions. AND you're not easy. Even more nerve wracking.

Honestly speaking, don't change. A guy worth being with will see all that you are and have and think "Damn. This girl's amazing." You'll have deep discussions about life and records in coffee houses and read under the shade of some trees, munching on carrots and pita chips. My best friend is a Vegan and a Wiccan and tried to convert everything about herself, to fit her boyfriend's standards and expectations; it almost destroyed her. He's out of the picture now and she's happily free, enjoying life on her own terms. Being anyone slightly less than yourself is NO BUENO.

Not having a boyfriend or apparent admirers right now, doesn't make you undesirable. It simply means those around you  are not fit to hold that position in your life. You sound like a catch, and it takes a while to find a match for someone so special. Cheer up. You're beautiful and there are many that wish they could be even a bit as cool as you are. And if anything, consider  toning down your vibrant personality just a smidgen when meeting new people, or attempting to get closer to someone in particular.. It isn't lying or being fake, rather taking the other party into consideration. Becoming a good listener definitely scores you points with guys, believe me. Chill, be open and before you know it, that certain someone will catch your eye and appreciate you just as you are. All in due time.

toridexx · Answer

First off, you aren't undesirable! You're only 16, hell I never had my first kiss until I was 16! There's no rush, and trust me you will find that someone who likes you for exactly who you are. I've been considered to be intimidating and unfriendly too, but hey, don't get too worked up over it. I've had a few boyfriends and have dated around quite a bit and I'm only 3 years older than you. Your time will come, don't worry. Just keep on being yourself, and the right guys will come around and appreciate you for who you are! 

And by the way, don't e-mail that Juno guy. He sounds like a rapist. 

But good luck with the guy search!

Mona Salgado · Answer

Well girly don't think negative of yourself your beautiful inside and out and gosh dang you sound flippen amazing:D!! I live in the gay USA :U ha ha anyways but, like i say don't be all down and about if no guys come to you or have low self-esteem your just one girl that is on top of the apple tree and hard to reach and your just waiting for the right one to come by your way. Don't rush things a lot of guy well here in my town kinda about sex and drugs means that your someone that kinda better than everyone a mission that a person you wanna date not there? Don't change anything about yourself be your self and no one else or someone else your not. i wish you the best of luck and keep your head up if you need totalk to some one im here for you~Love Monicaâ¥

bluelilies9173 · Answer

You shouldn't feel the need to change yourself, even the slightest bit. Don't be so worried that the guys you have met have found you unfriendly. You are beautiful; one day you will meet the perfect guy, who will love you for who you are, not who you feel you need to be.

Anonymous · Answer

You sound like you have almost the same life as me lol, Not exactly the same, but the emotions and story are sorda the same :3.... do you want to talk ? I am lonely as **** & I need a friend :P

Anonymous · Answer

If you are helping pop-punk stick around I can't blame the guys that are avoiding you!

! · Answer

Guys are probably overwhelmed by your choice of attire.

? · Answer

You are undesirable because you are on Yahoo Answers, just like the rest of us. Welcome to the club.

Troy Rules · Answer

uhh

no one cares about your iq. you seem full of yourself....anyone who points out their IQ usually is.

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Why am I so undesirable?

9 Answers