How can an introvert get a guy?

In order to become an extrovert, you have to overcome several blocks to being more extroverted, the blocks are:

Blocks to becoming an extrovert

* Undervaluing extroversion. Spending time alone and with people are equally important. If you're very introverted, you may undervalue the positive role people can play in your life, such as knowledge, friendship, growth, laughter, and so on. The optimal outcome is to strike a balance between the two. You don't have to give up the introvert activities you enjoy. In fact, when you balance them with more social activities, you'll probably find them even more satisfying.

* Underdeveloped social skills. Social skills can be learned like any other skill set. One reason introverts shy away from social activities is that they don't feel comfortable because they don't know what to do, especially if the unexpected were to occur. Being able to start up a conversation with a stranger AND feel completely comfortable doing it is a learnable skill. The more you do it, the better you get at it. Embrace the fact that you're a beginner, and don't compare yourself to others.

* Envisioning yourself as the wrong kind of extrovert. If you find the extroverted people around you shallow and perhaps even annoying, why would you want to be more like them? You wouldn't. When I was a kid, I really didn't want to be more like the extroverts I knew. Even as an adult, my vision of an extrovert was an in-your-face salesperson who only wanted to build a shallow relationship with you so they could sell you something. It seemed very fake and phony to me. And of course that vision prevented me from ever wanting to be like that. But you needn't choose such a limited vision for yourself -- you're free to form your own vision of a positive way to be more extroverted.

* Hanging out with the wrong people. Why would you want to spend more time with people you don't like? If becoming more extroverted means spending more time with people you'd rather avoid, you'll have no motivation to do it. Again, you're free to break this pattern and form a social group that you'd love to be a part of.

* Envision the type of extrovert you'd like to be. What's your ideal outcome? If you feel too introverted and want to be more extroverted, start by working on your vision of your outcome. Chances are that if you've been making little progress in this area, you have a somewhat negative vision of extroverts.

* Think of relationships in terms of what you can give, not in terms of what you can get. If you seek to build new relationships based on mutual giving and receiving, you'll have no shortage of friends. Identify people with whom you'd like to build a relationship, and start by giving. What can you bring to a relationship that will be of benefit to someone else? When you figure out what that is (and it's probably many different things), you'll have an easier time attracting new friends into your life.

* Find the right social group for you. Consciously consider the types of people you'd want to have as friends. There's no rule that says this has to be your peers or co-workers. Don't be afraid to stretch beyond the most obvious peer group and hang out with people from different ages, neighborhoods, cultures, countries, etc. You might find the variety to be a lot of fun.

* Play from your strengths. It's interesting that many introverts have no trouble socializing online. In that environment they're able to play from their strengths. But you can also use your strengths consciously as leverage to branch out into more face-to-face socializing.

* Join a club. It's old advice, but it still works. The advantage is that you'll find people who share similar interests, which makes it easier to build new relationships. One good club can fill your social calendar.

* Develop your social skills consciously. You can learn to become better at building rapport, introducing yourself, keeping a conversation going, asking someone out on a date, feeling socially comfortable instead of nervous, and so on. You don't need to be shallow and manipulative about it, but genuinely build these skills because it will greatly enhance your life.

Realize that when you hold yourself back from socializing, you're not only depriving yourself -- you're also depriving other people of the chance to get to know you. How much longer do you want your future spouse or best friend to remain alone?

Good Luck>r