What would you do if your friends behaved this way?

Question

A lot of my husbands friends and my friends are single. So when we met a really nice couple a while back and clicked with them we were pretty excited, because we felt we had made friends who also had kids andbwe could all just hang out. 
These friends offered to help us move, so we accepted their offer, bought them beer and lunch and dinner which is just curtosy when people help. As we were moving our sruff, quite often they would mention how much they liked certain things, and since I didn't really have a need for some of it we gave it to them. A bunk bed set and dressers...our old bed and some other things. This was all well and good...but now it seems that every time we see them there is a hidden agenda. They're always hinting about wanting things when they're over. They aren't very well off as recently they both became unemployed. But they still receieve government cheques like mothers allowance and child tax and gst. Child tax came out two days ago and they invited us over for a BBQ today. I accepted but plans changed when our car broke down and we had no way there. They told us we needed to his it because they had no food and were counting on us bringing it. They even wanted us to bring the condiments! After I replied saying I couldn't take a bus because I couldn't carry everything plus a baby and two kids...she said one of us (me or my hubby) needed to come because they were hungry. Then asked if we could lend them bus money for the next day...and asked if they could have my hubbys old blackberry. Are they using us? I don't ever mind helping out but to me it seems extreme. Sorry for writing such a long story but I'm pretty bummed out and would like to hear some perspective from other adults out there.

Christine · Accepted Answer

Yes, they are using you.    

You are right about how absurd it is to have them invite you over for a BBQ and then expect you to bring all the food.  But the only way you can diplomatically handle this is to say you're sorry it didn't work out.  They already know why you couldn't come.  You'd like to help them, but you can't just now.

The only way you are going to get away from these people is to change your phone number, email address and other contact information, and avoid places where they hang out.  I assume you aren't living anywhere close to them now (certainly not next door!).    IF you encounter them in the grocery store, be polite but don't commit to anything.  Don;t even hint that you'd like to get together sometime.  It's just "Glad to see you.  How are you?  That's too bad.  I hope things work out better for you real soon.  It was good seeing you.  Bye now."    Remember that it is not your duty to offer solutions to their problems, or to give them any cast off furniture.  Surely they have enough in their home by now.

bix_trix · Answer

I would say they are defenitely using you, they are sponges and want free handouts.  You are probably very nice people, friendship is reciprocal, if THEY are having the party, THEY are responsible for the food.  You could take maybe a dessert but not all of the food!   I would not like their behavior either.

Paris · Answer

thats wrong them doing that. stop now before it gets out of hand!
they are blackmailing you.
its wrong. avoid them!
dont lend or give them anything!

it has already gotten worse, dont let it become something really bad.
it could even get to the point of them stealing things.
or even blackmailing you a lot worse.

avoid!

? · Answer

There is an easy way of knowing if someone is using you.  Do they make you feel bad if you don't give?   That is what users do.

? · Answer

Yes, they think you are going to provide them with everything.

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What would you do if your friends behaved this way?

5 Answers