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Evadne Soleil
Lv 6
Evadne Soleil asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 9 years ago

Care to offer comment/critique on this poem?

"Unsung"

Speak poetic once again,

I plead to pen in hand.

Write the world away today,

write with different sweep and sway,

too tired now to take a stand.

Anger seeps within my veins,

stealing breath and cracking voice.

Once I wrote in quiet tones,

wistful, longing, great unknowns,

now it seems I've lost that choice.

Soldier girl, unblinded see

shades of chains and misery,

spirits locked in poverty,

slaving for false liberty,

shrinking from the ugly Truth,

her heinous head, her words uncouth.

My veins split open! Yes, I bleed,

cry for the world that thinks it's freed

but sinks so deep in lies and mire,

laughing on its funeral pyre,

give me words that lick like fire,

sparkspit, madness, and desire,

let me once more with pen inspire!

Write the world in different hues,

let the darkness fall away.

End this suffering, this pain,

let beauty stir me once again...

anguish fade and peace begin.

8 Answers

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  • ?
    Lv 7
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    I...oh..this poem hurts, deeply, skillfully written, but painfully achieved. I can relate. So much has changed...

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    I like the flow and rhythmn of the poem. Not sure about the title ... not sure really fits for me. Probably something along the lines of "writing" ... in the same essence of the story yet to be told (or written).

    Personally I like the use of "write" and "wrote" in the poem. I think you could perhaps use these analogies more in the poem. The third and fourth lines don't really touch on this aspect, which i think they should.

    Also the line "My veins split open!" not really sure about. Could perhaps include a line regarding writing with crimson ink that you bleed (that way invokes imagery of bleeding in a subtle manner).

    The last stanza and lines I would also relate back to your writing. Perhaps along the line of I will change the story with my pen, or as the leaves of my book end with the opening of new beauty will stir you once again (or along those lines).

    However overall great poem. Really enjoy the imagery. Definitely one of the better poems I have read on Yahoo Answers.

  • cassie58
    Lv 7
    9 years ago

    Well written Evadne. Poetic, visual and said with real feeling.

    Cheesy: Thank you - a compliment indeed

  • the cheese whisperer
    Lv 7
    9 years ago

    Like Cassie, you seem to have a natural poetic ability--an ease of style--that comes through quite clearly in this poem.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    You have a way with words! *applause! Bravo! Ever seen Anne of Green Gables? Well it reminds me of that, which is good, so Bravo! I like how it expresses how you feel. It comes from heart! Keep writing poetry! I love it!

  • ?
    Lv 4
    5 years ago

    ? ?A probably dance upon the souls of blades and glory, ?A deepening of what seems revenged and sanctity, ?yet, rounds out with readability of motive, empowerment restored, ? And for there who bypass thou blade in hand, ? For Kings and Dragons reasonable command, ?? Rebellious as all destiny and chagrin, ???There be no relax yet chaos whom enter lodge, ..

  • Caz :) x
    Lv 7
    9 years ago

    Another great write from you I just absolutely love your poetry, your beautiful messages is the most important . magic stuff thanks :)

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP CLAP

    AMAZING, MY FRIEND, AMAZING! YOU SHOULD BECOME A PROFESSIONAL POET!

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