Opinion on my story so far please?

Definitely moving too fast. When you write, use the five senses to bring your scenes to life. How did the blood get on Elizabetha? How does she feel about the cave demon or did she conjure it up herself? Don't glaze over interesting things like that. You could probably write an entire chapter of what happened in 1931 instead of a short paragraph that doesn't give the reader much to imagine.

Spelling mistake in the next section. You meant 'strength.' Again, explain where the blood came from and don't forget the 'why' of the scene. Why is he breaking a door down? What kind of building is this happening in? What are mages? Don't forget the punctuation at the end of sentences, periods and question marks. How does he feel about going to South America? Is this routine? Give the character some personality.

Spell out numbers like twenty-five. What does Stephanie look like? What does the cave look/feel/smell like? I'm surprised to learn Chris is a child - describe him a little earlier on. If he's so important he has a phone and does assignments, explain about that earlier on. The rest has me confused. First he's seeing what happened in 1931 and then his wife and child which he would have in more recent years. Segue a little. Then who created the fire demon? Elizabetha herself? If she's a powerful demon, can she really be brought down so easily by Stephanie? Give it more suspense.

Keep working on it and good luck!

Before I begin, I'd just like to start out by asking you to space your lines smaller. It's a bit hard on the eye to be jumping such great lengths. Don't make them smashed together, but a bit closer than they are.

Like the other answers said, yes, it's going far to fast. I also noticed it jumped around quite a bit from the past, to the present, and back again. It left me very confused. Who's POV were we following? Take the time to describe a bit of the setting, gradually the characters, and place in the characters' personalities. I don't mean by telling (ie: She was smart and stubborn.) But rather by showing through their actions and decisions.

What struck me quite a bit was your lack of explanation. I didn't know why Chris was going on missions, or what their powers do, or what the Palidan is. You really need to elaborate. Remember that your reader doesn't have the story mapped out in their head like you do, and you have to guide them through. Here's a suggestion: since you have magic in your story, introduce it slowly. Have Chris--or whoever's narrating--have some inner dialogue about his world and powers. I know it's hard to explain such things (I'm writing a book about demons and their abilities). Just keep at it. Really work on developing descriptive skills and characterisation skills.

Help the reader out with dialogue. Sometimes I didn't know who was speaking. There was one more thing that stood out to me. You wrote incomplete sentences, such as, "Chris walked over to it. Touched it and started to stare blankly at Elizibetha." Consider rephrasing so your sentences aren't so broken up.

Anyways, I hope you didn't mind my little critique. Happy writing, and continue writing and developing the story. It sounds like it could be good.

it is moving way too fast. slow down and tell us about the characters apearances and actions. so far im pretty sure Chris has powers but im not to sure. maybe you could tell about the powers in a prologue like explain how they came to be and tell about the cave demon.

im sure in your mind it all makes scence bacause you know about it all but to a reader we are clueless and need you to tell us about it but dont just go out and tell us. make an interesting way for us to know.