I was sexually abused as a child, should I tell my parents?

Question

I was sexually abused by a female cousin multiple times between the ages of 4 and 7-8. She was only a year older than me. I'm scarred to tell my dad because I'm pretty sure he'll call her parents (she's 15 now) and yell at them and cause a big family fight with my mom's side of the family. I HATE confrontation. I'm socially anxious and awkward, and confrontation makes me feel terrible. I never showed any signs as a child, I just pretended like it didn't happen and would talk to her like everything was okay. I'm scarred to tell my mom because I know that she'll either think I'm lying completely or hold me just as responsible as my cousin. Am I? I've always been the person who hates saying no to people and are involuntarily scarred of people in general.She asked. I said no (which was a big deal for 4 year old me). She asked again. I said no. Then she threatened me, saying she would never talk to me again and tell my mom I did something bad to get me in trouble. I was sad and finally gave in, mostly because I didn't really know a lot about "sex". Please keep in mind that I was FOUR YEARS OLD. I know that she was only 5, but I still don't feel like I should held as responsible. I hated it. I would tell her no but she would keep asking and threatening. I want to tell my parents to get it out but I'm scarred of what will happen. Maybe I could just tell them that I was sexually abused and not tell them by who? My dad hates feelings like there's anything wrong with out family and kind of shakes things off when I confide in him, and my mom is emotionally abusive towards me. They've been like this ever since I can remember, I stay in my room all day at home to avoid them and my brother who is 10 and they raised as a spoiled brat. My grandma is opinionated and critical and she'll say rude things to me because I like to wear my hair short and like wearing girl and guy clothes (I don't like dresses, I like ties, etc.) I also happen to be a lesbian, which has no connection to the horrible abuse.

 Also, when I was 2, my mother told me that I was in my parents bedroom and my dad was yelling at my mom, saying really mean things. She was crying and when she asked why he was doing this he said "Because you deserve it." I told him not to talk to my mommy like that.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I'd tell your mom, when you can get an hour from her.

Your dad sounds like an insensitive jerk, and nothing you can do will either hasten his departure, or fix his relationship with your mom.

Once your mom knows, and agrees to address this with your dad, do that.

Hiding pain in darkness, magnifies the pain, and breeds infection.  Your entire life was shaped by the abuse, the threats, and now your lies by not telling them.

greenwave · Answer

I feel really sad after reading this :( 

You should tell your parents even though they don't seem very supportive and maybe tell your very best friend if you absolutely trust her. Ask your parents if you can see a counsellor or go see the school counsellor. I think the lesbian thing now does relate to what has happened to you and what is still happening now how you are unhappy at home you need to talk to someone about it.

Also the sexual assault was in the past and although it may have been terrible, don't let it affect you anymore. It happened and there's nothing you can do to stop it or change it, but you can change how you look at it. Let the past go and move on with your life don't let anything hold you back and be who you want to be

hope I helped :)

TJ · Answer

I am so sorry this happend to you.  No, it was not your fault.  You need to find someone you can trust to talk about this with.  If not your parents, then someone.

lololol · Answer

this made me cry, I reckon you should tell your parents.
I'm so sorry for what you've been through.

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I was sexually abused as a child, should I tell my parents?

4 Answers