How do I get rid of my insecure gay boyfriend?

Question

So I'm convinced my boyfriend is gay, despite how much he tries to deny it. All the signs are there: he definitely finds other dudes attractive, and never comments on women except for their fashionable outfits, I believe he watches gay porn (and only gay porn), his favorite singers are all female divas, he loves showtunes, musicals, Broadway, dance shows, etc, he's a sensitive guy who writes poetry and stories (many with homosexual subjects), he's definitely had crushes on guys that I noticed (he said he just admired them), and, what has been the biggest factor for me, is that he's skittish about sexual intimacy with me (and even talking about it - for me talking dirty is a huge turn on but he never tries to go along with this). He claims it's because he's a virgin and never dated anyone before me. However, I think he's just not attracted to me because of his sexuality. 

I have confronted him many, many times, telling him I know he's homosexual or bisexual at the very least. He once told me he thought he might have been bi but that he preferred women much more. Lately, however, he even denied that he was bi. I believe it is because he may have finally realized he is homosexual and that he might as well deny the whole thing. 

I have also tried to break up with him quite a lot... but every time, he swears up and down that he loves me to bits and that he wouldn't be able to live without me. He apparently believes that no one else would find him attractive. I told him he just needs to work out and be confident and he'll have potential partners lining up. But he says he'd never find anyone like me, so he wouldn't want to. He also threatened suicide before, although when I told him I'd tell his mom he said that he stopped, and now he just says he'd give up on life and university, etc. 

I also told him I would be willing to be in ONLY a friendship with him, with no physical stuff involved.. but yet he says that would be a sacrifice for him! Which is really difficult to believe, seeing as I've yet to convince him to jump in the sack. 

Does anyone have advice to offer? I would really appreciate it.

Kris · Accepted Answer

Personally, I believe the problem is not him, it's you.

Some guys are naturally feminine despite being straight. One example of this is 'Russell Kane' - a famous British comedian, He is straight despite showing all of the stereotypical signs of being gay.

I believe that everyone can be one of two things when it comes to sexuality, - Secure, or insecure.

Secure, meaning that (for a guy) you are confident of your sexuality and have no problem interacting or being around those of the opposite sexuality (gay), this could be portrayed as being feminine.

Insecure, meaning that your confidence is only an 'outer-shell', however 'inside' you are not completely confident about your sexuality, therefore you become defensive when it comes to interacting with those of the opposite sexuality, this could be portrayed as being masculine.

I think your boyfriend is feminine. Despite what you have said, I think you should stick with him as it sounds like he really loves you.

If your mind is still set on him being gay, please take the time to watch this videos as I think it may help you.

>>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KVMCfIfakJQ <<<

Hope It Turns Out Well For The Both Of You

*** BTW: Please do not stereotype us, we do not appreciate being just associated with musicals and showtunes, we are all different. Thanks ***

kumorifox · Answer

It's obvious you are not comfortable in the relationship. Whether or not he is gay isn't the issue here. And though relationships involve compromise, they should not be one-sided. He is holding you back from a meaningful relationship, one where the love and attraction are mutual.

Don't threaten to break up with him; just break up. Say that you are not happy, that you don't think the relationship is going anywhere, and tell him it's over. It will hurt, but better a short, sharp pain than an endlessly throbbing wound. His threats  of suicide and giving up on life are emotional blackmail, and nobody should be put through that. It's a sign that he is either desperate, or else that he is still very immature.

Good luck!

? · Answer

I almost started to write something like "help him accept his nature by going out to not-that-obviously-gay places without telling him and/or meeting gay/bi friends when he happens to be there, etc" but then I realized it's not like your job is to make him happy or anything. Of course if you have the patience, time and interest in doing so go for it, help him out of the closet but it's perfectly ok if you just tell him to go find somebody else cause your out of this big fat boring whatever.

Anonymous · Answer

Why not tell all this things that you just wrote here , to him ??
But do a check beforehand that he is not suicidal ! 

Why not be a good friend and let him be who he is ! If he is not interested , do you have a shortage of bf's ? I am sure , not !

Anonymous · Answer

Lol

Trending News

How do I get rid of my insecure gay boyfriend?

5 Answers