Why do I "enjoy" pitying myself?

Often, i pity myself. It's weird because i enjoy it. I like to feel bad about myself. I like to think about bad things in my life and be upset. Most people probably don't like the idea of self-pity and try to avoid it, but i'm more of the opposite. Its almost as if i'd rather be sad and feel bad, then be happy. I like seeing happy people and then wishing i could be like that too. I feel it has a lot to do with my friends. I feel very disconnected to them. I think about the way I am treated by them. One has a boyfriend who she obsesses about, the other is not as close to me but we are friends. The problem with her is she is boy-crazed, self obsessed (makeup-wise). & my last friend, who is more of my own friend than the friend of my other two friends, but she's still apart of our group. I've always felt like i could trust her, until now. Often I find myself ranting to her about how I feel about my other two friends. Somehow she always finds a way to counter act my argument. For example, I will tell her that one of my friends is obsessed over her boyfriend and talks about him all the time (which she does), and she will tell me that she is not "that" bad and that i am her friend so i should listen to what she has to say. She finds a way to disagree with me on almost everything i say about my other friends. I feel like she's constantly on their side. I feel like she's a terrible sympathizer and makes me feel like i'm always being irrational. She is not close with them, which is why she doesn't have to listen about what my boyfriend-crazed friend said about her bf. That's why it worse for me. There are so many other things that they do, like taking forever during lunch and talking to billions of people. I almost feel like there's something wrong with me now, which is why i constantly pity myself. :/ Throughout all of my school years, I feel like I've never had good, genuine friends, i've often been a loner, like how i decided to sit alone in the cafeteria a couple days ago ( because as always they were taking forever). That's maybe why i'm so awkward and self-pitying now. I feel like i'm more school & family oriented while my other friends are more social & friends oriented. That's also why i'm more focused on my schoolwork, I've been more motivated to do my work because I feel like i don't need friends/a social life. Whenever I get good marks, that's when I feel good, not when i'm with my friends. It's stupid, but it's like school is my friend :O But it's bothering me now. I think the friend that i could trust is thinking of me as a bad person for talking about my others friends and what they do that annoys me. I think she thinks i'm a hypocrite :o So, i'm gonna leave it at this, i'm sorry it's probably long but I don't really have anyone else to rant to. What do you think is wrong?