My Girl Got Raped...?

I have quite a history with my girl. Our fathers and uncles were friends before any of them were even married, and our moms too. We were born in the same state. And when we were 6, she moved to Michigan and we met. The day I met her, I fell in love with her, and the moment I fell in love with her, I decided to marry her. We kissed that day, my first kiss that I remember, and she said she loved me. We drew hearts on the foggy window pane. We saw each other very often for three wonderful years. We both grew up quickly, so we had our own little marriage ceremony as youngsters. We took it seriously at the time though... Everyone noticed how I protected her and cared for her. I beat up the little boys who tried to do bad things to her. And I hid her from everyone's view, including my own when she had to pee once, which sounds awkward and ridiculous now. In my mind, I was her knight. When we were 8, she moved away. I cried for a very long time and even developed a nervous tick which left my hair ruined for a year. The day she left, I prayed God would always protect her in my absence. Until we were 10 we kept some semblance of contact. But then we both went through those difficult years. She became a partier and I became a criminal. We lead very similar night life's, but both of us kept our virginity locked away, despite our promiscuity and impossible lifestyle's. In 2009, she remembered me and sought me out. From January to December she scoured the records, trying to find me. She friended a guy she confused me for on Facebook in her search... In December, she friended me, and the day I accepted, we began to talk again. I kept emotionally distant from her to keep from getting hurt. She thought I was too good for her, even though I thought that about her. I adore this girl. My heart aches sometimes when I think about her.

God has spoken to me and given me a dream which have helped to explain what happened, why He didn't seem to protect her in three major instances. Twice before I entered her life again, she was brutally raped, and she remembers one of the occurrences. Gah, I can't even write about it without crying... The third time she was raped, she didn't even realize that was what it was. She was in a relationship with someone who she literally was forced to text moment to moment. As a professional profiler of sexual crimes, I can tell you that in Sweden and most European countries this relationship was rape. In America at least, this relationship exactly mirrors the relationship a prostitute has with her pimp, and even that this would be forced prostitution. The fearful, manipulative manner ran it's course.

Despite this, I consider her to be a virgin because she never chose any of this, she was raped three times. I made a mistake with a girl before her who I thought I was going to marry anyway, so what right would I have?... I look at her as my pure white angel. But every time she talks about the STD scare, or her pregnancy scares, or whatever... I am absolutely torn apart. I've gotta hear her stories and support her, but I need some support. I know I would stay if she had an STD, or even AID's. I would gladly share the disease with her and slip into eternity alongside her. I wish it was me who was raped in her place... I even thought about trying to get raped and just letting it happen (because, I'm too good, if I tried to stop it, it would end), just so I could understand and feel her pain. But, if she had have gotten pregnant...I don't think I could have dealt with that pain. If she aborted the baby even, maybe...But her sister wanted her to keep it if she had have gotten pregnant! That would have torn me apart. I appreciate all the pro-abortion/infanticide Scriptures especially now, because now I found God's heart of love there even. I mean, I'm the type of guy where I would want to go through every bit of pain for my girl, which scares me if she ever wants kids.

If you're a male reading this, please realize how much you can hurt a female and males that she meets later on by rape. I am heart broken over the abuse she suffered which I wasn't there to stop. I want to take revenge on these three individuals, but then I might be throwing a life with her away... I don't want to live on a planet where people I love like this can be hurt. This is the most important thing I've ever written on Answers. I know there's a question in there, but it's just so much I don't even know where to begin to ask. Help.