I think my dad has anger management issues?

This pattern is familiar to me. I don't think you'll be able to change him, though. Being a military man means he has to be very self-confident, and being self-confident means it's harder for him to examine his thoughts and reactions.

That outburst you describe sounds very like shame. He knew he didn't do a good job, and he knew you knew it too because you had printed instructions for him. Subconsciously, he felt shamed by his failure, and in his pain, to defend himself, he attacked you. And he accused you of what he did in that situation. He didn't listen, and he didn't focus, clearly, because he did a bad job. He might also feel threatened by you because you bettered him. I know you didn't, but he's an alpha male and any potential challenge to his authority, such as him messing up a recipe which you could have helped him with, is stressful to him. I know this sounds strange, but his motivations are very different to yours.

Was his upbringing hard? Were his own parents demanding and punitive? That leaves imprints that are too hard to change, and it's so unfair, because people suffer as children, then grow up, do the same to their families and suffer again as adults. And a problem with shame is that if that is a contributing factor, your dad will not be able to admit he has a problem and get help, because it's unbearably shameful to have a problem.

It doesn't sound as if he has an anger management problem. Strictly speaking, it sounds like a trigger problem. I make the distinction because anger management programs usually deal with chronic anger and don't give enough attention to causes like shame. I think you could try telling him his anger is making you unhappy, and not helping you to do things better, and maybe there is a better way. Ask him if he would please speak to you without anger first if he has a problem with you.

I have a similar problem happening in my family. I deal with it by requiring any complaint be delivered calmly and with usual good manners (good manners are not just for when you're in a good mood. They are particularly useful when you're upset and angry). If a standard of courtesy and respect is maintained, the angry perfectionist will try very hard to keep to it, usually.

Good luck.

The problem with these things is, that you're gonna have to be the 'adult' in this.

His 'anger' issues are coming from lack of control, so when he loses the handle, he tries to cover it up, by throwing a tantrum.

A way to reduce that, is to just like with children, ignore the aggression, and noise, stay calm, and factual, and simply ask for him to 'not be mean', and simply 'use his words' because 'this fighting needs to stop, it's hurting our family'.

That should help defuse the situation for you, and your family.

About forgiving him, that's gonna be a real exercise in maturity.

Because that's about you mostly, if you carry hate for him, you'll keep feeding your dysfunctional relationship.

So look at your Dad, does he try, does he put in effort, even though he sucks in the final result?

Because even if he comes up way short of being a decent parent, if he tries, and gives it all he has, that's enough, it's all he has to give, it might not have been good, but he did what he could.

Now it's up to you, to do better with your children.

And of course that doesn't make up for things, but it's all you can realistically expect from your Dad, and if you can acknowledge that, you'll prevent the same happening to YOU, with your children.

Because that's a tricky thing, kids that hate their parents, and don't find balance in it, will re-create the exact same relationship with their own kids.

That's down the line stuff though, first try these tips to handle his tantrums, if you can reduce the 'explosive' nature of your family, it'll all get better.

You and your father definitely need to take time to reconnect with each other. I would suggest calmly asking your father to sit down with you because you want to discuss your relationship, and how you have been feeling. I can not stress ENOUGH how important it is for you to do this in a non-aggressive manner. When a person feels verbally attacked, they usually return with a verbal attack. So do make sure to maintain your composure and not get too caught up in your emotions. Do get the point across though. Make sure you convey your feelings very clear, so there is no chance of misunderstanding.

be patient with him,try being nice then get some books about anger management for him as birthday gift,thanksgiving gift or easter gifts for him and always tell him you love him no matter what happens and try to get him read those books

unfortunately it sounds like your too young to do anything yourself. you might want to talk to your mom though. that might help. and I'm sorry your going thru that. it's not easy to handle things like that. I hope I helped you out a bit. good luck.