Re-gifting an exes jewelry. Why is it weird?

Question

Alright, so I have been single for a while now. Years, in fact. I have friends who have kids, and I have been single longer than those kids have existed. (it's by choice). 

By this point, my ex has been long gone. I've given Back or gotten rid of every reminder of her, and often go weeks or months without even thinking about her. When I do, it's because someone else has mentioned her. That should demonstrate how over her I am. Like, I've forgotten her name a few times. 

So there's this jewelry. Beautiful moonstone, with silver detail. Let's just say that its construction is something sacred to my faith, though its not a religious symbol. Hard to explain... I bought this jewelry from a jeweler, who made the pieces (necklace and two matching earrings) from hand and they are gorgeous. They probably wouldnt be valuable enough to sell, and I'd never want to see them go to scrap or into the trash. So I've tried to give them away. Never to a girl I was dating. But just to friends. I've had several girls interested, and are excited at the thought of them, even mentioning that they have outfits it would go great with. Then they ask me where I got the jewelry. I'm not gonna lie, so I tell them. Then they get almost offended. Suddenly this jewelry gains a "white elephant" status. They always give me a polite but firm, if not curt apology, put the jewelry back in it's box and hand it back. 

One friend actually suggested I just toss them, but we've already covered that. They are beautiful, and I bought them. She wore them like once,  then forgot about them. 

So, my question to you, the answerer: what's  going on here, in these girls minds. Why don't they want this obviously pre owned jewelry? Why is 'who owned it before' so important? Should I just lie about where it came from? 

10 points if I can tell that you read my question, and have presented the best info/insight.

Lu · Accepted Answer

I know you mean offering the jewelry as a compliment or acknowledgement of friendship, but you may inadvertently be insulting your friends. To many women, a gift matters because you like her enough to want to do something nice for her. Giving away something you don't want any more, no matter how beautiful or valuable it is, is something good for you, not for her. It lacks the unselfish element that usually accompanies a gift.

You might have better luck if you approach the situation as what it is, her doing you a favor. Explain that you bought the jewelry for someone who is no longer in your life and that it's going to waste sitting in the box. Tell her you'd like for it to be worn and appreciated and ask if she'd do you the favor of giving it a good home. Once you frame it that way, the gift should be more acceptable.

jri_bangert · Answer

Girls just get wierd about things like that... why you ask? Because generally they are sentimental creatures, and as a rule of thumb, they wonder if you are sentimental too, especially about handmade jewelry that you obviously feel (sort of) deeply about. Maybe underneath the general, platonic gesture they hope that the jewelry signifies something more? Maybe they dont want to wear something that will remind them of someone from your past.  I as a woman would feel awkward accepting jewelry that belonged to an ex, no matter how long ago, no matter how you feel about her (or remember her name), no matter how beautiful the creation or expensive the stones.

Happy-2 · Answer

I don't read minds, but my guess would be that the people you tell the story to interpret it to mean that the jewelry has emotional significance to you.  I wouldn't accept something with emotional significance either from someone I wasn't very close to.

You don't have to lie.  If they ask who owned it before, say, "A jeweller."  It's true.  Tell them you bought it thinking you'd give it to someone who meant a lot to you, but that you don't want it to just sit around unused anymore because it's too nice for that.

Another suggestion: identify a girl you want to have it.  Give it to her boyfriend and tell him to give it to her for a special occasion.  She's happy, he's happy that she's happy, and you're a philanthropist.  It's win-win-win.

mmm · Answer

A niece would a good place to start.,.if you have no children or ever plan to have them.

If a 'friend' of mine wanted to give me the jewelry and told me she didn't want it and I liked it, I would not be offended, I would take them and laugh . . .I wouldn't want them if he chose to KEEP them from her and then pawn them just so she could not have them . . .

Anonymous · Answer

If I were you, I would lie about where they came from. A little while lie never hurts.

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Re-gifting an exes jewelry. Why is it weird?

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