My boyfriend hit me and raped me for the first time... he was drunk. Do you think I should leave him?

So i just read all that and im going to be honest with you. even though we all know you are not suppose to hit a women i think this is completely your fault even tho you might not want to hear that i think its your fault. first of all he told you that he has been sober for 5 years and would never drink again bc of what ever happened you even asked his friend who was a "chatterbox" and they still wouldnt budge, shouldnt all that tell you what happened was pretty bad. but no you really wanted to know soo you gave him alcohol and him not even checking to see if it was or was not alcohol bc he trusted you shouldnt that tell you he was a good person but you still let him drink and drink. i mean what did you think was gonna happen. he also told you he was a bad drunk so thats probably why he didnt remember anything and also did what he did to you. he had no control over what he was doing bc you were the one giving him the drinks so you had complete control. im not saying you deserved what you got im saying its your fault and not his. and like everybody else telling you to leave him , he made 1 mistake which was not his fault so dont punish him for something he didnt do by leaving him. just tell him what happened and if he puts his hands on you again w/out being drunk then you can have a real reason to leave him. he also seems like a very good person. just my oppinion

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I'm going to play devils advocate, just because every body is going to run him in to the ground and I'm not sure it's entirely fair.

Although I would in no way condone what he did, he clearly knows he is an awful drunk and doesn't drink which is far better than most bad drunks. He told you he was a mean drunk and you tricked him into drinking and I think you must share some of the responsibility although I'm sure you never dreamed it would be so bad.

Should you leave him? I don't know- if he never touches a drop again could you trust him?

Regardless I think you need to talk to him, tell him what happened (and do your share of the apologising) and find out the big secret. Hiding everything will never make your relationship work if that is what you want.

Yes, you should leave him. He is obviously mentally ill to the point that he understands that alcohol is poison for him. I have seen people coax alcoholics into drinking when they decided to be sober, however I have never heard of anyone Bill Cosbying an alcoholic. That is a first. If he had driven and killed someone, you would have been liable for felony murder. I know some alcoholic drinks can have no taste at all so it would be unfair to drug someone against their will. You can try to press charges, however the court may blame you for slipping him something that caused him to black out into a rage. If he drunk of his own volition, you would have a stronger rape case than admitting you poisoned this demon to the point he blacked out. All in all, he is not well so it is time for you to find a way out soon.

Sorry but there are faults on both sides. How stupid can you get underhandly forcing alcohol in to someone that tells you empatically he cannot handle drink? To say someone raped you there cannot even be a shadow of doubt but you say he pushed you against a wall and "WE did it then and there". You then go on to say that when you realised he was just taken pleasure from your body you screamed for him to stop, That sounds like you didn't struggle against him having intercourse in the first place. Yes! He still should have stopped when you said and someone like this is dangerous. You also say you have read a lot of case studies on domestic abuse and rape victims to inform yourself so why did you only slowly realise it wasn't your fault? If you genuinely consider you have been raped then it should be reported to the police. As a couple it sounds as if you are 'bad news' and the relationship should most certainly end. He obviously is dangerous with drink (only saving grace he doesn't EVER voluntarily take it) and you acted like a temptress, not content to take his word for it that he didn't want alcohol. A combination heading for disaster. Go your separate ways. Although rape is never okay under any circumstances you must take some responsibility in this senario of the part you played. By all means tell him what he did AND how you tricked him and then both go your separate ways.

I know, he did wrong but he DEFINITELY does NOT get the blame. You were the one who was stupidly CURIOUS to see why he never wanted to drink alcohol. He had been kind to you all 3 years and it was YOU that the night you gave him alcohol something which he told you himself how he can't drink it! what you did was to stupid for him to get the blame. I am a girl if I was in your position I would not leave him because I got it with my own hands! So I don't think he deserves to be dumped after you gave him alcohol. Forget this, I now its difficult but at least it will serve as a lesson that sometimes better not be TOO CURIOUS

I now what I said is probably not what you were expecting but that is still the truth. In fact me in your position, I would tell him the truth and say- Well, remember the bruise? Well that night I was curious and I gave you alcohol and without you knowing, you raped me and hit me. I am so sorry I was too curious and I shouldn't have.

If he respects you he will say sorry himself for what he had done without knowing.

But as to you don't be foolish you have to admit that it was you that with your curiosity you did what you were not supposed to

After reading this interestingly not-very probable-story, I think you should leave, but not because of what he did, but because of what you did. The relationship is already ruined, you, of course won't see him the same way again, so you should just let him be happy with someone else as it is obvious you are not making him a better person.

But your story is very interesting as it makes me aware of how really people think and how they react to such things, most of which I don't agree with, they respond without thinking it through and even if thinking it through, not putting it into words for people to see their point of view.

It is not like what the majority says is the right thing, also it could be the right thing but for the wrong reasons, people just shoot their opinions hoping a similar general response will confirm their rightness.

Just gonna be honest here, you caused this situation when you spiked his drink. Not saying that what he did was in any way justified or 'right'. But he clearly didn't want to drink ever again, because of whatever he did in the past. He trusted you with that knowledge, and you betrayed that trust. The unfortunate result being you had to face the consequences of getting him drunk.

Sorry to preach the truth, but you bought this on yourself.

The question here is really why do you have absolutely no respect for a man that you are supposed to "love"? He told you, quite emphatically that he did not want to be intoxicated around you or anyone out of fear of losing control. To some people that is a very serious problem, and they cannot control themselves You then betrayed his trust by tricking him into drinking enough alcohol that he lost control and then pushed him until he was enraged. So you 1: removed his inhibition 2: provoked him intentionally until he was enraged. Now you want to blame him for having no control over the rage that you tricked him into having. You will never be able to trust him again, and he will never likely trust you again if you tell what a disrespectful drama queen you are. You should leave him to give him the chance to have someone that sees him as a person and not a pawn on a board to toy with.

lol i don't think the other ppl fully read the q

You made him drunk to be like this. He knew what would happen and he warned you. He should be mad at you. Then again, you should break up with him. Having that happen to you, won't it be hard to see him the same way again? That's a major problem he has.

Also, you sound like you're trolling. Wouldn't he know if he was drinking alcohol? Or is he that stupid? If you put a little bit at a time mixed with another drink, then he must have drank a LOT. and who does that?

Also you write this as though youre writing a book

"is this the man i once loved me an held me?" or whatever you said

No one thinks like that

But if it is true dump him. Good day