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Lv 5
? asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 9 years ago

any comments for 'Stalled'?

Stalled.

A road ahead unseen.

A roar of a motor unheard.

A rush of wind unfelt.

Here,

alone,

hands on wheel,

key in ignition,

radio at the ready,

top down and a sun looking down

at the ready to chase a fleeting shadow,

I sit.

Unmoved.

Stalled

at the side of this road.

A passenger only in the driver's seat.

3 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    Really great poem. Interesting meter- but i loved it. Flowed great but had one little bump along the road when you said "top down and sun looking down". It's a little out of place in your poem, but hey everyone has at least one of those in their poems and it's easy to fix. I would say maybe write it something like this:

    Top down and

    sun looking down

    You may find that if you read the poem with the words arranged like that, that it will be just that little bit easier to read. But, it is your poem and if you're happy with the way it is then that's great, coz i'll still love it either way :) Hope i helped

    Caitlin

  • 9 years ago

    Whatever happened to the days when road trips were a group thing--and fun?

  • 9 years ago

    I hardly get the meters of the poem, It would be more nice if you wrote as Sonnet (in my ideas)...

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