My boyfriend and I are fighting. Please help?

Question

I’m a big believer in the fact that no religion is better than another, and that they are all equal and I don’t like seeing other people’s religions made fun of or trashed, even if it’s not my religion. Anyway, my boyfriend posted on Facebook a status about his take on one of the stories in the Bible, and it was really mean and deeply offensive. I confronted him about it, telling him that it is morally wrong to say things like that on a public website where everyone can see it, and it’s rude and disrespectful. My boyfriend, who is an atheist and is very into philosophy, retaliated this by saying that it’s the reader’s own fault if they get upset by it and that he has the right to post whatever he wants. He also said he strictly did it to “spark a debate” and see if anyone wanted to have an intellectual discussion. I didn’t think that was any excuse for what he did, so I told him that there are many forums he could join and that would be the appropriate place to post things like that if he wants a debate. Then he started telling me how I was telling him to hide his beliefs just because of what other people will think, which clearly I did not since I gave him an alternative to posting those offensive things on a public website. Which one of us is right? We’re still fighting over this and I want to know if it’s just something I should get over.

Matt · Accepted Answer

I have to say I'm on your boyfriend's side. As I see it, he's simply expressing his views on his personal Facebook page. As far as I can see, no one is hurt by it. The people reading it aren't a captive audience, they're free to hide his status from their news feeds. If your boyfriend is posting his take on a bible story, I assume he's not attacking anyone. At the very worst, he could be accused of attacking a story. You'd have to be constantly stepping on eggshells if you never want to say anything that could possible be interpreted by anyone in a negative fashion. Anyway, Facebook is full of Christians who post messages and statuses that are vaguely (and sometimes directly) offensive to non-Christians or atheists. I don't think it's the end of the world that your boyfriend wants to poke a little fun in return. It's not out of hatred or intolerance, but rather out of good natured humor and the desire to pursue meaningful conversation.

You sound like a wonderful woman, and I don't want you to get the impression that I'm for him and against you. In fact, I don't think it's just something you should get over. I think you should sit down with your boyfriend and have an earnest discussion with him and try to come to an agreement that will make you both comfortable. Keep in mind that one or both of you may have to back off your current views a little bit. If he's a reasonable guy, he should want to make you happy while maintaining his ability to post his thoughts. I think you were reasonable in suggesting an alternative, namely that he should post somewhere else, but I hope you recognize that those other places on the web don't offer nearly the level of conversation that Facebook would. It's frustrating to be surrounded by either people who all agree with you or random jerks who won't have a civil conversation. It's much more meaningful to talk with people you know, and much more pleasant.

I hope you two are able to come to an agreement, and have a long, happy future ahead. Cheers.

Marchy · Answer

I think you're right, people don't want others bashing their beliefs.

This guy doesn't sound very great... =/

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My boyfriend and I are fighting. Please help?

2 Answers