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? asked in Family & RelationshipsFriends · 9 years ago

My friend's stepdad molested her?

Okay, normally I feel like I have an answer for everything. I'm lost here:

My best friend (uh, let's call her Megan) - Megan's parents got divorced when she was like eight or nine. And I guess her stepdad moved in with her mom (her dad had to move out of state for work) like a few months after. I don't know, it was pretty soon. They eventually got married and had a daughter (I'll call her Sally) who is now three.

Anyway, so Megan's dad moved back in state pretty quickly and did visitation stuff. Meanwhile, her stepdad (I've never liked him; she always used to talk about how he would call her mom if she took "too long" dropping Megan and her siblings off, just generally controlling) I guess became sort of like a second dad to her. And she just told me recently (we're nearly sixteen now) that he started molesting her during "backrubs" when she was like twelve. (I had no idea) she said that it happened alot, and that when it was happening it was like she was looking on, and knew that if she did something, told him to stop, etc, that it would "make it real". She said it took her like a year of telling herself nothing happened before it started eating away at her, and she started cutting (like eighth grade).

I guess during that time she became really depressed and disrespectful to her mom, so she sent her to live with her dad. Then she told me that it took her like another year to finally tell her mom, and her mom flipped. At Megan. Like she called her a liar and said she didn't believe her and all kinds of ****. I feel so terrible, because I didn't even realize anything was happening. She said she would have offed herself if it wasn't for Sally still being there.

Apparently her stepdad had other kids, daughters, that he didn't molest. He didn't molest Megan's little sister either (but her sister is younger and less developed than Megan). She said that she didn't think he would hurt Sally, like she was 90% sure, but you can never know.

So she called CPS in February, and they did an "investigation". You would think that the fact that her stepdad grabbed her *** in front of her mom once or that he's eighteen years older than her mom would be evidence in itself, but CPS dismissed it as lack of evidence, and recommended Megan get a shrink. So she did, and the shrink stuck her in a hospital for a week, and now that she's finally telling me she said she doesn't want to die (she wants to be a writer) but that sometimes her situation seems so hopeless because there's nothing she can do for her baby sister, and no immediate way out.

She keeps telling me that she has to do something, because if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem. But she can't sue for custody when she's eighteen, because she has no real proof against her stepdad. Her mom doesn't believe her - she thinks she had errotic dreams about her stepdad, of all people. Her dad doesn't believe her, either. She said that her thirteen year old sister told her that she was responsible for single handedly ruining her life (by tellling about her stepdad) and her brothers are younger and don't know, and then there's Sally and she's worried something's going to happen to Sally, and I just don't know what to tell her.

I mean what is she supposed to do? She wants to file a police report, but there's no evidence. I'm the only person outside of like doctors and her parents and CPS that she's told, and I just feel awful. I feel so bad for never noticing anything was wrong with her, even if she is like amazing at hiding her emotions. But I don't know how to help her situation. She keeps telling me that she just wants to get away and never talk to any of them again, but she can't because of Sally. She's really smart and an amazing writer and musician and I trust her not to kill herself. But how horrible to go through high school dealing with that! Does anyone have any ideas? Anything that could help her? Thank you.

Update:

*Also, Megan's not the kind of person that would lie about something like this. She's like obsessed with doing the right thing and following like her own little 'value code' that actually makes a lot of sense.

Update 2:

*what movie? wtf? I'm f*cking serious here.

Anything I could possibly be leaving out: her mom has denial minor OCD and was scarred from the divorce; can't deal with the possibility of being alone. Megan is in the process of diagnosis for narcolepsy, which is a sleep disorder. Vivid hallucinations are a symptom. Megan said that she has had hallucinations before, but never recurring, and they were always shadowy figures in the dark, or voices just as she was drifting off to sleep. And she has always, always been able to differentiate, upon waking, reality and the hallucination. She never had the sensation of someone touching her, and she could see and feel her stepdad clearly, and her mom knew he was in her room tucking her in. He would return downstairs after her mother was asleep. She said the only thing she can think of for her dad is that he doesn't want to believe it happened, and that it's easier to believe her mom's dream theory. Her mom's other excuse is

3 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    9 years ago
    Favorite Answer

    sorry, I saw the same movie you stole this plot from.

    but hypothetically:

    You? You can do nothing. (assuming this very familiar story has some truth in it)

    What she can do is to let Sally know that it isn't all right for her father to be touching her. Give her age appropriate information on sexual abuse.

    She should also understand (which I find difficult to believe) that she is not a blood relative of her step father and her sister is. It makes a difference. It might make all the difference.

    She obviously should stop making excuses and using Sally as a reason not to get out of a toxic situation.

    How is she going to protect Sally? Sleep in front of her door? She needs to take care of herself.

    You have obviously left a lot out of this, as it is not normal that nobody believes her.

    What has the fact that her step dad is 18 years older than her mom have to do with anything? You don't even make sense.

    She should file the police report. But if nobody believes her, chances are the police and district attorney will not be able to do anything either (even if they do believe her). But she should do all she can.

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    Why don't you sit with her and brainstorm together evidence that could bring the stepdad down? Either way, that's a toughie! Good luck!

  • Anonymous
    9 years ago

    She needs help.

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