I'm about to have a mental breakdown?

just calm down you seems so much depressed and hopeless .im also in a same condition like you but i just don't know no matter how bad happen to me i am always very positive to my life and future .i have been through so bad ..i have seen people they never satisfied with their life even i think they have all i always want or want to be .everybody has problems in life but the question is some people cheerily accept the current situation to make the difference and always succeed to make positive impact in their life ...and some are hopeless want to end their life ..start smoking take drugs because they are weak enough to change their life .sorry for my bad english i just dont know how to help you

I used to be the same, for many years throughout my childhood and into early adulthood i used to be like this (many years ago!). Truth is, THERE IS A LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL! As distant as it sounds. I also said no to the "happy pills" your doctor will eventually try to give you (because it's cheaper for them to do that than send you to councelling).

Personally after that i was insulted and eventually saved up to get some private councelling, opening up to a therapist once a week, and read several self-help books it takes time, the healing process can take some time, but the thing that helps you get out of the depression is motivation.

I always found that by finding some willpower (goodness knows where from) to get me some strength to be able to get motivated helped, and then once your motivated amazing things can happen (you will not believe it until you try. That doesn't mean you have to be the "sporty type" by jogging every day (even though it may help) but you can do other things, things that will also boost your self-esteem like completing something very fulfilling like doing a really great drawing or being inspired by something you see etc.

Trust me i have been down local help shelters, councelling and doctors, you name it (apart from a nut house lol) i've been there, i am still slightly battling with it but no where near as bad as it used to be...

I'm not advertising, i'm just recommending some books (if your short on money you can request and rent the books out from the liabrary)...books to read...

http://www.amazon.com/Anxiety-Depression-Workbook-...

http://www.amazon.com/Mood-Mapping-Liz-Miller/dp/1...

http://www.amazon.com/Positive-Psychology-Overcomi...

These are some recent books that should help you! The self-help book are better now than then.

Hope you get better soon, take care.

Just message me if you need support.

Best Wishes.

Depression is very real and common. You are not crazy, but what you are feeling is REAL. Does your school (or surrounding community) have psychiatry department? Counseling? You may not need medication just some coaching, but you do need help. You tried it on your own, please try to get help.