Is this a good story?

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I'm  writing up a new story and I want sOme people's opinions and I think I want to publish it some Day  any ways here it is:I awaken slowly to the sound of loud forest sounds and winds, its almost mesmerizing. I slam my hand down on the smooth rectangle on the top of the yelling box the confirm I’m awake. I lay here staring at the ceiling on back thinking about what might happen to day, its fate day.
Fate day is a day where you draw your fate from a small velvet bag it determines everything that’s going to happen to each and every one of us. I would rather not know my fate but im forced to know whom I shall marry,when I shall marry, my job, the amout of kids I will have and even the day I will be executed. I pray I get the only thing I ever wanted, a job as a hunter.
My best friend Finn is a hunter, he was chosen last year on his fate day. I try to tell my father I want to be a hunter but he says harsh things like…
“You’re a girl Rose, you can’t hunt,” or things like “HA. What are you going to kill with a bow that weak?’
Yes, I made my own bow out of aspen tree limbs I break off, it’s a swell bow, its strong and lean but the arrows however are not a pleasant topic. Poor Finn, his exicution is planned to be in 9 years and is to be married next year to Mary Evergreen. He has always loved her, but she abuses him, like my father does to me.
My mind wanders for about another minute befor my father slams open the door in a huff, his black hair falls at his widows peak and waves across his brow line.
“Get up rose, time to see if life will be kind to you,” he then shoots a round pebble at my forehead with a sling shot and slams the door behind him.
What a confusing man, I think to myself, I wake up, slip on my yellow sun dress, slip on my yellow street shoes and I head to my younger sisters room to check on her. I stop at the door way and lean against the wall as I watch her brush her long golden hair. It reminds me of honey, the way it falls down her back, I would kill to have such beautiful hair but im stuck with this disaster they call “beautiful brown hair.”
“Hey Peach are you ready to go?” I askj in a calming voice. Peach is only 7 but she is so grown up for her age, but still sweet as sugar and as cute as a button.
“Almost. How do I look?” She turns her head and I see the black ring around her eye.
“ Oh my gosh,” I put my hand softly over my mouth as I hold back running sceaming. I dab her eye with my finger asking what parts hurt’ but she suddenly doesn’t reply and she stares down so I can see her face.
“Peach, look at me. Peach!” Im at the brink of yelling at her. When she says
“Daddy saw me sneeking food to Bella, and.. And.. And,” I see a tear fall from her face. I lift her chin up slowly and see hundreds more tears rolling down her face. 
I wipe off her smooth skin with the sleeve of my jacket. Bella is Peach’s dog, she starving to death because my father refuses to let anyone feed her due to the expences.
A tear rolls down my cheek too but I wipe it off befor Peach can notice.
Don’t worry ill get her some food later I say. I can pay for it with the money I have been saving for a rainy day. I keep it hidden because if my father knew I had money he would spend it on beer, its his way of forgetting my mother ever died.

Godzirra · Accepted Answer

I can tell that you're a fan of Hunger Games.

Just in this first excerpt there's so many links to it. The archer main character who's defiant because of her background. The best friend who is also a possible love interest. The innocent little sister with her innocent little pet. And then a name that sounds a lot like Everdeen.

You didn't need to necessarily bring up Mary Evergreen in the first few paragraphs. If you're talking about someones background at the very beginning of the story, the worst thing to do is to keep linking to other things about that person. You could always introduce her later in the story. I feel like she was there because of the similarity between her last name and Everdeen.

Also, the father also seems overly abusive. It sounds completely unrealistic for him to just shoot a pebble at her forehead with a slingshot while he's waking her up. Something like that is too childish for the whole drunken-abusive-father act. If anything he'd be the one waking her up in the morning that what I interpreted was an alarm clock instead.

Aside from that you just need to work on grammar issues. Just general spelling, punctuation and paragraph structure. I'm not saying you have no hope as a writer. I'm saying it's going to take a lot of hard work for you to get better. Keep it up and good luck.

Anonymous · Answer

Good, for my most recent story, I used to be prompted by means of television. Generally tv conjures up me in any case. But this one is special. I was once looking at Terra Nova on television, and although it wasn't that high-quality of a show, I still saw the talents in it. After which I decided that writing a novel with dinosaurs could be so cool, and anything so unlike anything I've ever completed earlier than. So then I launched into all this planning with all these different characters, and it used to be going to take place within the jungle with dinosaurs. Then I persisted the planning approach and rewrote outlines. Then I started, and wrote a horrible opening i finished up scrapping. And now I've bought the proposal down. And the humorous factor is, dinosaurs aren't even part of it anymore. So the thing that particularly encouraged this novel, would not even exist in the novel anymore. It does still, however, take place within the jungle, but the proposal is just about fully different from the normal influenced concept.

Maria · Answer

You could use practice, but you should focus more on your grammar and spelling than your writing. It was difficult to read through some of the mistakes.

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Is this a good story?

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