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What are your opinions on this rap verse?
Fiending for success/
Till I'm bleeding from the press/
On my grind till I go into cardiac arrest/
smoke weed to kill the stress/
Many more problems but I eat pills for all the rest/
Strive to set each verse apart from the next/
I won't quit till I have the crown on me/
So eyes wide, never sleeping on me./
I feel the dark slowly creepin on me/
Been there before, I ain't sweating homie./
You see, drugs take the place of lonely./
take me to a place that feels so homely/
Feeling stoney, thinking bout how simple things used to be/
From that happy little kid to a drug addicted teen, what a metamorphosis/
Straight off the training wheels, to burning Ls and popping ****./
There is no stopping this/
There it is, just finished it. Minor changes may be made after I read over it more and hear it in my head. But what do you think? All opinions/advice are appriciated.
@D yeah I probably should shorten that line up a bit. That break down is dead on bro. Except by "bleeding from the press" I was talking about being constantly criticized and all the rumors that may come with fame. And by "eyes wide, never sleeping on me" it means for people not to sleep on my music, kind of hard to explain if you don't know what that means. But thanks bro.
@Spider-Man I see what you're saying. I think I should work on that part some more. Thank you.
4 Answers
- ?Lv 69 years agoFavorite Answer
its pretty good. I would say to rethink the way you said line five. Make a syllable shorter.
Break down:
you are trying to get success in rapping
till you are getting bothered by the news (unsure about this)
rappin till the day that you die
you have stress, and you turn to drugs to release
for other problems, you do pills
you try to rap differently
you will rap till you are the rap king
you dont sleep (which is obviously a lie, so Im not sure about thatl line)
you are stressed out and it seems like there are fewer and fewer things to be happy about
you do drugs because you feel alone
drugs make you feel happy
your life used to be happy
you changed when you became a teenager
you were just a normal kid, then one day it was like POOF!
noboy is oing to get in your way.
yo can you check out my verse?
- ?Lv 45 years ago
In my sincere opinion, I believe it sounds well relying at the tune you rap it to, however the one 2 phrases I believe you must attempt to exchange out of a few kinda recognize is: god rattling. Even despite the fact that I am no longer into faith, I do consider in God. I am no longer a rapper, I simply play guitar and am into steel, however I believe making use of phrases that advertise a few sort of anger, hate, violence or even making use of a phrase in some way that's disrespectful to what such a lot individuals consider in could also be disrespectful to many viable listeners that you'll have. That's my opinion. Other than that, I'd say it is a well verse.
