Am I depressed - moderately or severely?

Question

Well I'm female. I'm 20 (about to turn 21 on November 5th). 

I think I've really been depressed for almost two years in December. And especially this year and last year I've been depressed (or so I think, I haven't been to a doctor). I've gained 20+lbs. Sometimes I just get so pessimistic about everything in my life. I often think of the though of suicide. Mostly as my safe plan, not actually of committing suicide, it's more of a comforting thought. I know this sounds so very cliche but I really cannot find anyone who understands me. I have no friends. I'm in college and I have no friends. I had friends in highschool but none of them go to college with me. I have no job. And I feel like my life is going no-where. I panic thinking about this, and I get very depressed. It wasn't always like this.

Straight out of highschool I went immediately into college, and I had a 4.0 GPA. I had also lost 56lbs. I went from 186lbs to 129lbs. I felt great. I had the best self esteem I've ever had in my entire life. I felt beautiful. I felt optimistic about my life and especially a great future for myself. But then at the end of last year I began to become depressed. For no particular reason. I would be so depressed I would hardly get dressed anymore, I wouldn't even go to most of my classes. And when I did I was tortured by being there. I began to feel like I hadn't lost enough weight (when before I was completely happy with my weight). But I know I'm not depressed because of my weight. My weight gain is a side-effect of my depression not the cause. I'm not sad because I've gained weight. 

I also cut myself, and my arms. Sometimes when I'm overwhelmed by my feelings. A lot of the times when I'm derpressed I cut myself. A lot of the time because I want to feel pain, something. I feel like crying even as I type this. 


I don't know how to talk to a doctor about this. What do I say? "Hey, I think I'm depressed". 


I just want to die, but then I don't. I feel lonely and tired, and sad, and pathetic, and pessimistic, and angry, and scared.

Ashish · Accepted Answer

HEY SWEETIE..look ur very nyc girl as i knw abt u ..u jus need to be optimistic life is how u make it ..like is how u see it or wana see it..plz dont cut urself again ..ur life is too precious plz dont waste it like this .try to meditate concentrate on brighter part of ur life when u had fun ...i wish i could be there physically to help u ..but u need any help im there my frnd ...ur my frnd nw u can share nything wid me i welcome u in my beautiful world ...:) if u accpect my frndshp ..catch me on ..facebook my id is 
(ashishmalla001@hotmail.com)...or gmail ( ashiomalla001@gmail.com ) keep sparkling :))))

? · Answer

Sally, its very sad to think that cutting oneself could mean something. But in todays society it means that a person  has given in to the fact that they dont know how to cope with the pressure. And the only way out is to harm ones self.  What do you think is the reason for you cutting yourself?  Did a traumatic event  happen,perhaps something beyond your control?  Like the death of a loved one, unfulfilled expectations, separation or divorce in the family, etc?  Please look back over the years to see where these feelings stem from. Then you might want to write what happen and how your life was affected from the beginning. I think that you should seek the help of a specialist. But please before you go see a specialist, research this information by going to www.jw.org. This website is designed to help people know that they are not alone in their struggles, and it give examples of individuals who once cut themselves but then was able to break free. Please type your subject of concern in the search engine, whether its depression or cutting . Sally, I hope you can get pass this time in your life.

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Am I depressed - moderately or severely?

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