Describe what depression/anxiety is like in the most creative way you can?

Colors, tastes, smells, conversations, emotions, etc seem dull. Lacking. Like someone turned my contrast knob close to zero. Living in near monochrome. There are lead weights on my chest and shoulders. I can go through the day and smile and laugh like a normal human being, but by the end of the day I'm too tired to go on. Ice cold hands choking me, squeezing my throat so tightly it constricts my breathing and makes dots swim in front of my eyes. My hands shake and I should probably sit or lie down, but I have no choice but to keep on walking.

You probably don't realize this, but you really do come across as a whinny victim. Plus you are self-medicating with alcohol, not a good idea when you already have chemical disorders. Instead of documenting how crappy your life is, start writing down what's good with your life. You can start with very simple things like the smell of coffee in the morning, or the simple pleasure of a hot shower. It's in the good things in your life that you find your reason to keep going when things get rough. A tattoo idea--footsteps.

in the morning it starts as soon as I am aware, the weight is is on me it is hard to lift my head off the pillow with the thoughts that are there of what else will happen today?, who will criticize me?, what will I fail at?, why could I have not just died in my sleep? or maybe today is the day I end it all............I do not like waking in the morning

the sound of the telephone ringing is a annoying shrill to my ears, is it family or friends who just want something? they never call to just say hi. is it work? have I been fired? did I do something wrong the day before?, or maybe bill collectors they always want money Now!........................ I do not like the telephone.

going out is so hard I need to prepare myself hours before the time needed to leave the house, my breathing is rapid my heart rate goes up, who will berate me today, who will judge me for how I look or act? everything out side is exposed and open i do not feel safe........................I do not like to go outside.

Dealing with happy people everyday, it seems every one else is happy, I have to put on a fake me, the person everyone thinks I am, this person smiles and talks with everyone and seems optimistic, but every so often the real me make an off remark that hints to what they are not seeing, It takes twice as many hours to recover for every hour I deal with the happy people, I want to escape from them, I need to escape from them, I can not keep up the facade of a happy me for very long...........................I do not like happy people.

this world is crap, people killing people, kids killing kids, rich getting richer, poor getting poorer, everyone out for themselves, people only care when they get something out of it, no body does anything for free, no one really truly cares about others.............including me...............i do not like this world..................it makes me act like everyone else.

You are currently struggling to understand your mind, or you are a troll.

Depression and anxiety are two different things. You have not started off well in your search.

Try this:

Some kinds of suffering are self-imposed although we do not always recognize this to be the case. Instead we are on a sort of automatic behavior method of coping with reality. We can change our sentient experience however by a sort of deconstruction into component parts; from that point it is ultimately a matter of adopting new, rational, wholesome paradigms.

Unless you have brain damage, as in dementia, you will never lose certain mental schemas and memories. Your inner life is largely based on those schemas. The perceptions and sentient experience you have can be moderated and shaped purposefully as long as you are still functioning. Such an approach requires vigilance and practice. It can be enhanced with greater knowledge of the real world and acquisition of critical thinking skills.

MINDFULNESS MEDITATION

Consciousness is a function of a cognitive neural network processing both sensory data and memory. Sentient experience can be subjectively deconstructed into four foundations of mindfulness:

1. Mindfulness of body.

2. Mindfulness of sensation as pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral (physical sensation).

3. Mindfulness of state of mind (attitude, emotion).

4. Mindfulness of content of mind (ideas, learned skills, memory, mental images, beliefs).

For about 20 minutes twice a day:

Sit in a comfortable position, legs crossed and back erect if possible, and with as little noise and distraction as possible. Focus your mind only on your breathing, counting mentally “1 in, 1 out, 2 in, 2 out, 3 in …” and so on for a cycle of four or five breaths. If your mind strays from your breath, which it inevitably will, make the experience the target of mindfulness, attempt to deconstruct the activity as in the above schema, and return to count the breaths mentally.

As you do this there will be the usual background of a continuous stream of thoughts, random or specific ideas, and images, feelings that come and go. Any of these can distract you, but you can just ignore them, too. The brain will do this sort of thing as long as you live. There is no need to suppress any of it; your brain normally processes information via random association or cognitive models you have acquired either on purpose or by random experience. These are the things that usually drive your perceptions and behavior, even your dreams.

Downer

In the course of life, there is a sadness and pain and sorrow, all of which, in their right time and season, are normal- unpleasant, but normal. Depression is in an altogether different zone because it involves a complete absence: absence of affect, absence of feeling, absence of response, absence of interest.

Depression is not a sudden disaster. It is more like a cancer: At first its tumorous mass is not even noticeable to the careful eye, and then one day - wham!- there is a huge, deadly seven-pound lump lodged in your brain or your stomach or your shoulder blade, and this thing that your own body has produced is actually trying to kill you.