Wrong diagnosis? Am i mad?

I've been diagnosed with depression and taking medication for it...

But I'm starting to doubt my diagnosis,

i self harm and have fairly low self esteem

I always dream of being raped or hurt in an accident, or something where I'm hurt through no fault of mine, I've wanted to be ill, break a bone etc

I've spent times of my life being a carer, i have had many incidents where I've received the 'wrong kind of attention' grooming online, and stuff

relationships i have found myself in aren't ideal, i don't think i Will ever be able to be in a genuine relationship

i find it difficult to understand the idea of a future

despite feeling a lot better i still think there things and if i think of or see pills i always think of ODing, not that i Will but it's like an obsessive intruding thought i get

i have had issues with food, used to be bulimic, and when i feel rubbish or not sure how i feel i stop eating, i don't know if it's a form of punishment or form of control

i need people to need me and use me and hurt me but i don't know why?

I'm too scared to talk about there funny mad thoughts that i get?

I just want to be normal

it feels like the things i think are abnormal and not right, am i just depressed, am a psycho?

Any thoughts or if you could share similar experiences it would be really helpful

Thank you