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I need some help with my short story, just some suggestions, thanks?
This is just a description of a scene that I was to write for my english class, based off of a conversation that you overheard. So far, I have only some the description and the setting..My assignment is only supposed to be concrete, nothing abstract. I need to still add structure and description to the dialogue. I realize that I posted this same story a little while ago, but I'm asking a different question this time.
1) Should I name the characters? Or just describe them better a bit? Because I feel like the words "guy" "boy" "girl" "he" and "she" are starting to look really redundant after a while.
2) I'm rally stuck onto how to merge the dialogue into the story. Should I leave it as a script just the way it is and add random details in brackets? or make it like an actual story, where I can describe in a concrete fashion what the character are doing to show their emotion? I just dont know what to do with it because its such a dumb overheard conversation and I HAVE to use this one because that's what my TA told me was mandatory.
Thanks so much for everyone that has already and is going to help me, I really appreciate it.
Here is the description:
Blue walls, a deep turquoise blue. On the walls hang little paintings, with inspiring quotes on them. A single bed against the window, a green shag rug. On it sit a guy and a girl, huddled around a laptop with coffee cups in their hand, leaning against the bed. A mirror hangs, on the adjacent side of the room, framed with faded pictures and old memories. In the mirror, a reflection can be seen, of the study table, cluttered with books, medals and trophies as if to hide the girl’s various accomplishments. The boy reaches over to the dark oak side table beside him, slowly sliding his fingers across the smooth surface, stopping now and then, to touch the various trinkets that sit atop it. The girl watches as his mouth contorts into a soft smile before he turns his bright blue eyes around to face her. She lifts up a slender finger to flick the long, black locks of hair out of her face. The charm bracelet on her arm jingles. Below sparse lace of cardigan, goosebumps. The boy shuffles over and reaches back for his grey sweater and swiftly puts it around the girl’s shoulder. She smiles gratefully.
The girl reaches over with her blood red painted nails and hits the green triangle on the screen. Then she pulls the hoodie more securely around her shoulder. The screen goes blank and her shoulder tenses. They stare intently at the buzzing screen; heads so close they were almost touching, the coffee cups all but forgotten. Slowly, as the music begins, she relaxes back against the bed. A movie starts playing on the screen. The guy glances over at her. Their eyes meet, he grins at her. Slowly the guy brings the cup of scalding hot coffee to his lips as he carefully watches colour rise up to the girl’s cheeks. She blushes and looks away.
The movie ends, music stops, the screens goes blank again. The room is enveloped in a peaceful silence as the girl and her companion sit on the green shag rug, thinking. The bright blue light of the alarm clock on the side table changes as the minutes pass. 5 minutes pass. As the clock hit 7:07, suddenly, as if raised from a slumber, they look up at each other, almost simultaneously. The wheels turn, in their head, as the same idea comes to both of them. Slowly, the girl reaches over to her side table and picks up a crinkled up piece of paper with the project details on it. She holds up the paper and carefully starts reading; the boy follows her bright hazel eyes as they scan the piece of paper. A dent appears in the middle of her forehead as she furrows her stick thin eyebrows in concentration. She sighs, and looks up briefly to notice her companion looking at her. Letting her dark black tresses fall from her shoulder so they covered her face, she continues to scan the piece of paper. She looks up slowly as a grin spreads across her beautiful face, putting her pearly white teeth on full display.
Here is the dialogue:
Girl: You can direct it! I can play the lead role. I want Mathew McConaughey as my Jack.
Boy: No way, you can’t have him.
Girl: Oh yeah? Why not?
Boy: Because then I want Megan Fox.
Girl: You’re not even going to be in it! You’re the director!
Boy: So?
Girl: Nope! You can’t have Megan Fox. Besides she’s so over rated.
Boy: Then you can’t have Mathew McConaughey either.
Girl: You suck! Can I have Ryan Gosling? Titanic 2 would be the best movie ever with him in it!
Boy: No!
Girl: Channing Tatum?
Boy: Absolutely not!
Girl: But – but – but, WHY NOT?
Boy: Because then I want Emma Watson.
Girl: No way she’s forever going to be Hermione! She can’t be in Titanic. No way.
Boy: If I can’t have Emma, then you can’t have Channing Tatum!
Girl: Well then, who am I going to get to be my jack? You know Titanic wouldn’t be the same without Jack. You can’t just have Rose but no Jack!
Boy: I’ll be Jack!
Girl: No you’re the director!
Boy: So? I want to be in this movie!
(There’
(There’s silence as the girl looks at the guy, blinking slowly)
Girl: See I have it all planned out. Mathew and I would meet on the set of Titanic. One day we’d both end up staying late for work and be the last ones out. He’d catch my eye and I’d catch his. And then, Bam! The earth would stop spinning; the angels in heaven would start singing; everything would move in slow motion. Everything would seem prettier and brighter as we would slowly drift towards each other-
Boy: Oh god, STOP! STOP! STOP! I don’t want to hear about your Mathew McConaughey fantasy. Ugh!
Girl: Just for that, I’m not inviting you to my wedding to Mathew.
Boy: Then I’ll break in, just as you guys are saying your vows, and scream at the top of my lungs – “Stop! She’s mine! You can’t marry her!”
Girl: No you won’t! This is my fantasy! You don’t get to be in it and ruin it!
Boy: And why not?
Girl: Because… ugh! You are impossible!
Boy: You want to hear my fantasy?
Girl: No!
(The girl looks at the guy – frustrated. The guy stares back, while smirking)
Boy: Well I’m going to tell you anyways. Megan and I would meet at a bar; she’d be wearing this backless shirt that hugged her in all the right places. Her long – oh so long legs – would be -
Girl: Eww… Stop! I don’t want to know your gross fantasy! You know what? You’re not allowed to get married!
Boy: Oh yeah? Says who?
Girl: Me!
Boy: Jealous?
Girl: God no! I have Mathew!
Boy: No you don’t! Remember I’m going to break into your wedding and claim that you’re mine!
Girl: But - but – but.... NO! You can’t!
Boy: Yes I can! You’re not allowed to marry anyone either!
Girl: I can marry whoever I want! You don’t get to make that decision for me! Now who’s jealous?
Boy: I am not!
Girl: Yes you are!
Boy: No I’m not!
Girl: Yes you are! I can’t hear you! NANANANANA
(Another Person walks in)
Person: Oh god, cut it out you two! I swear you guys are worse than a married couple! I hope you guys never get married!
3 Answers
- PiemanLv 79 years agoFavorite Answer
Should you name them or just describe them? For best results, you should do both, even if you can only come up with brief descriptions.
- Anonymous5 years ago
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