How can I be happy when I have such a terrible life?

You are a brave person. You have had to deal with so much in a short amount of time.

It sounds like you have just so many thoughts going on at the same time that you can't focus on what's going on.

Do yourself a favor and speak with a counselor or therapist to help you straighten out what happened to you, what's happening to you now, and what needs to happen in the future to get you the most out of your life.

Have you tried talking to a trusted and well-respected (by you) adult about this issue? If not, then try that. If that doesn't work or you don't know an adult that you respect and trust, then try talking to your girlfriend or somebody else that you really trust. The Internet is not always the best place to go to for, although, I will admit that it is an OK place to go to for help. Try talking about this to somebody that you really trust, not a bunch of strangers who may or may not ridicule you about this.

First of all don't let the "sociopath" label define who you are. I was diagnosed with several different major disorders over 10 years. But what finally cured me was God. It didn't matter how hard I tried. I spent 10 years educating myself, 6 of those in college, trying to learn about psychology and what made me tick. Turns out it was a spiritual battle, like it is with many people. They just don't realize it.

I had my share of growing up in a dysfunctional family. Obviously you had it worse than me. But that doesn't matter. You're in one piece. You think intellectually. Your only flaw is common. Terrible negative self talk and hanging onto past emotional events. I must tell you that was a big flaw of my own and a big reason why I couldn't change. The only true happiness in our life is feeling spiritual contentment. Many do not know what that means or feels like. It humbles you and makes you not be so caught up in the world, no matter how bad it might seem.

I can only tell you how I found God and what I did to change my life. There is no need to define everything bit by bit. If you want God to save you, then give Him what He wants. He expects us to completely surrender ourselves to Him. How do we do that? The first step is a literal one. Sacrifice all the things in your life that you don't need or maybe isn't appropriate. Television, video games, magazines, newspapers, music, and other material things that aren't deemed a "necessity" to survive. There is a very BIG point to all of it. When you get rid of things you don't really need, but seem important to you, it's a shock to your system. My whole family was shocked when I threw away 20 years worth of movies, tapes, and CDs. I wasn't allowed to just give them away. You literally MUST throw them to the curb for the trash man to pick up. Knowing it was all crushed is the ultimately feeling of sacrificing and cleaning a slate. It helps you LET GO of the past. Of course, this step isn't the only one to take. But it's necessary.

There is no reason why you must leave the person you are with, unless they are doing something to keep your life in chaos. If they don't disrupt your own personal steps toward healing, then stay with them. Otherwise, you MUST find a way to create some isolation from them. At least temporarily.

Once you make these grand sacrifices, you will no doubt have less things to do. especially if you spent time watching TV or playing video games. I didn't say get rid of the Internet because you should use it at this point. Get a KJV Bible and read the New Testament. Particularly the parts surrounding Jesus Christ. There is some VERY important wisdom to be found from His life here. It's touching in a way that will change your beliefs. Ultimately, when your beliefs change, the rest of you does over time. You see, once you make a completely surrender sacrifice by shedding your life of all the distractions that surround your past and present, you open yourself up to a NEW WAY. So you become susceptible to new suggestions and ideas. That is the time to learn about Jesus and His way.

I did these things September of 2011. Over a year later and my life has changed dramatically. My bad temperament has been gone for some time. My kids think I'm a different person. I have a whole different outlook on life. And I even see my past "enemies" differently. The past tends to become "weight" that holds up back. We cannot grow inside with it. You have to get rid of it. And I just told you one way to do it. Once you step far back from the things you rid your life of, you will no doubt see each thing differently. For example, I rarely use the television because of its evil nature and the way it influences our minds. Same for video games, music, etc. Face it, society is evil and rotten. Protect yourself.

I can also tell you that my wife and I once thought life was about financial or material success. This put such a burden on us. But after I found God and got a clear view of what's really important, we both eventually realized that life isn't about monetary gain. You can be dirt poor and be truly happy and content. You will eventually realize that being self absorbed is a bad thing and that your problems cannot be worse than everyone else's. There is always someone in this world that needs your time and help. Give it. Exercise your selfless nature. You will let go of your old way.

God works providentially and never goes around our free will. Therefore, we have to take our own steps. He just guides us each day. Don't trust man's wisdom. God's is the only authentic Truth compatible with his human creation. YOU.