My father died a week ago but I feel nothing . Does that mean I'm callous?

Well, the death of someone elderly is normally something which any rational person has been expecting for some time, so there is no element of shock. When you say that you were not close to your father, I would assume that either no great affection was ever shown to you by your father, or that things passed between you which caused you to erect barriers to him in order to prevent hurt - perhaps he had a censorious nature, or gave you the distinct impression that you were somehow a disappointment to him, only you can know. It is entirely normal to withdraw from someone as a defence mechanism. It's also possible, as others have pointed out, that you are somewhat numb, and that grief or a sense of loss may kick in later - denial is recognised as one of the stages commonly experienced in the grieving process.

It could mean that you're in shock. Many people who lose loved ones (including family members they're not particularly close to) don't shed a tear at the hospital or at the funeral, but they do later on. When my first wife passed away I was numb for about 3 weeks -- THEN it hit me. When my second wife lost her father (whom she did NOT get along with) she didn't show any emotion for almost 2 months. So you're not necessarily devoid of emotion. You may have an emotional outburst later on when the shock has worn off and you acknowledge the fact that he's gone.

When someone dies, not everyone cries or gets depressed, even if they were really close to that person. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. Death doesn't affect everyone the same way. To some people it's a horrible loss of someone in their life while to other's it's natural and it was kept in mind that it was going to happen sooner or later. You weren't very close, so it's going to be a little harder for you to feel that loss when you feel as if you didn't have much of a bond with him. Or maybe it's your mind's way of dealing with it; by feeling nothing at all.

Well..you are about 60yrs old. Which means u have a vast experience of what life's about and must have seeing a lot of death in you time. at least to yourself. You were quite apart for some long time....he was 88 which makes death quite acceptable... Having said all that I add that u may still me going through some normal processes of mourning... But in time, your own time, you will know the true truth. Allow time to do its work...

First off can i just say, i am very sorry for your loss and no, your probably not callous, The first reaction to learning of terminal illness or death of a cherished loved one is to deny the reality of the situation. It is a normal reaction to rationalize overwhelming emotions. It is a defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. We block out the words and hide from the facts. This is a temporary response that carries us through the first wave of pain. You just seem to be taking longer on this stage then normal, but there is nothing 'normal' about a death, everyone just handle's it differently.

As the masking effects of denial and isolation begin to wear, reality and its pain re-emerge. We are not ready. The intense emotion is deflected from our vulnerable core, redirected and expressed instead as anger. The anger may be aimed at inanimate objects, complete strangers, friends or family. Anger may be directed at our dying or deceased loved one. Rationally, we know the person is not to be blamed. Emotionally, however, we may resent the person for causing us pain or for leaving us. We feel guilty for being angry, and this makes us more angry.

The normal reaction to feelings of helplessness and vulnerability is often a need to regain control–

If only we had sought medical attention sooner…

If only we got a second opinion from another doctor…

If only we had tried to be a better person toward them…

Two types of depression are associated with mourning. The first one is a reaction to practical implications relating to the loss. Sadness and regret predominate this type of depression. We worry about the costs and burial. We worry that, in our grief, we have spent less time with others that depend on us. This phase may be eased by simple clarification and reassurance. We may need a bit of helpful cooperation and a few kind words. The second type of depression is more subtle and, in a sense, perhaps more private. It is our quiet preparation to separate and to bid our loved one farewell. Sometimes all we really need is a hug.

Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. Death may be sudden and unexpected or we may never see beyond our anger or denial. It is not necessarily a mark of bravery to resist the inevitable and to deny ourselves the opportunity to make our peace. This phase is marked by withdrawal and calm. This is not a period of happiness and must be distinguished from depression.

Loved ones that are terminally ill or aging appear to go through a final period of withdrawal. This is by no means a suggestion that they are aware of their own impending death or such, only that physical decline may be sufficient to produce a similar response. Their behavior implies that it is natural to reach a stage at which social interaction is limited. The dignity and grace shown by our dying loved ones may well be their last gift to us.

Coping with loss is a ultimately a deeply personal and singular experience — nobody can help you go through it more easily or understand all the emotions that you’re going through. But others can be there for you and help comfort you through this process. The best thing you can do is to allow yourself to feel the grief as it comes over you. Resisting it only will prolong the natural process of healing.

Remember, grieving is a personal process that has no time limit, nor one “right” way to do it.

You weren't that close and that plays into it. But, don't be surprised if at a later date, something reminds you of a good memory of your dad and you unexpectedly cry. Some people cope differently than others.

It's maybe a way to react to a death