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What would you rate my writing? ( It's short I just took a bit from my writing)?
“But there beasts there.” Lenny said. “Beasts.” Whisper chuckled. “I am the monster , I am the beast I am the dragon there is nothing else out there.” Whisper growled. Lenny looked shocked and went behind me. “ Whisper you better knock this off!” I shouted. “ I ain’t playing , I’m speaking the truth you better let me rule things how I think is best or I will banish you away from all of us!” Whisper said. I stared at Whisper and then started laughing. “YO- YOU will BANISH ME?” I laughed. Whisper quickly tackled me and had me pinned down to the hot road. “Yes me the beast , the monster the dragon , ain’t it funny?” she said creepily. I gulped and managed to say no not at all.
It's about 6 girls who where abandoned by there mother and father and they live in a orphanage they all have nick names for each other and one day they adopted "Chocolate" real name Lucy and they go out of the orphanage and go out looking for her only to get lost and Dennis who was an outcast becomes to some kind of monster of a sort. And Yup :3 sorry for TYPO'S
I meant to say two people adopted Lucy :3
Dennis's nick name is Whisper
Kale , I do have lots of trouble spelling them and I couldn't paste the whole story it said it was too long to fit sadly.
Thanks for Honesty ( I don't plan in making anything out of this) Just some writing I had in my computer that I wanted to share.
Derrick , Funny that's true :)
4 Answers
- 8 years agoFavorite Answer
On a scale of one to ten, ten being the highest...I'd rate you at a 2.
You've lots of grammar, syntax, and spelling errors, your punctuation is less than stellar, and I honestly can't figure out who is saying what and what exactly is happening. I don't know who the narrator is or how she fits into the story, I'm having a difficult time working out where this little piece would fit in the storyline you threw in for us, and I'm sorry, I can't blame most of that on typos.
Source(s): I recently graduated with an English degree and worked as an editor in the student Writing Center on my campus. I'm also a writer. - Anonymous8 years ago
1. Dialogue needs its own line. It's really hard to read a story when you don't do that.
2. Whisper's dialogue is horrible. Sounds like she's a Disney villain, trying to be scary.
3. Edit your work before sharing it with others. It's rude not to.
- 8 years ago
It sounds like a good idea, but if I'm being honest, your writing is mediocre. There's lots of spelling and grammar issues. If those were fixed, the story would be easier to follow and less confusing... which it is. I'm just a bit lost, quite frankly. But I like the names :)
- 8 years ago
Lots of grammer errors...You might want to spell check it and put the dialougue on seperate lines. It's very hard to follow.
Other than that, I think if you changed that and made a few other changes, the storyline sounds interesting!
-Hope this helped!
