My fiance gave me a list of changes I need to make.... is this okay?

She is highly controlling, and it's not likely to get better. First of all, what kind of person actually writes a list of things they want someone else to change? Second, what is SHE doing to better herself? This is quite a list of things... She sounds horrible, like a brow beater... You seem like a very reasonable person, and you seem like you're doing quite well for yourself. I see no issue with having your parents help you out while you're in school- surely she must realize your financial independence can only occur after you've graduated? You also should not be expected to give up all your friends. Clearly they haven't been that bad of an influence on you, you said it yourself- you don't drink, you work full time AND go to school. Here's my concern: if you do change all these things, what's next? New clothes, new car, new haircut, new personality all together...? Will she put a homing chip in you so she can know where you are at all hours of the day? If she doesn't love and accept you as you are this instant, she will never love and accept you just as you are. She's not unhappy because of anything you've done or anything you are, she is unhappy for another reason and looking to place the blame on anyone but herself. I fail to understand how YOU being more spiritual could make HER feel happy...? Happiness does not come from other people, it comes from yourself. She truly is just looking for ways to control you.

You are doing things you can to improve your life, and she needs to lay off in my opinion. The spiritual and financial things can be worried about after graduation. More time with her can happen after graduation. I would seriously reconsider this relationship, or at least find out what crawled up her behind. She is being ridiculous, and she is trying to place blame on you for her own unhappiness.

1.) I see her point on that one to a degree. If they don't actually drag you down, disturb your productivity, drive you to drinking or doing drugs, etc, then what's the big freaking deal.

2.) See #1. You really don't have to ditch your friends, but I'm sure the missus would appreciate it if you made some new friends, especially some friends that she can actually relate to and feel comfortable around. I have a feeling #1 is more an issue because SHE doesn't get along with them. You two really do need to make mutual friends.

3.) Ask her what she means by quality time because you can't read her mind. Explain you thought you already had quality time every second you were free. Perhaps she wants something specific. Communication is key.

4.) Your wife to be is #1. Period, end of discussion, get used to it and make it happen. Know what happens when a person prioritizes their mommy, daddy, siblings, etc over the spouse? Relationship problems, trust issues, resentment, and hurt feelings. She isn't saying you can't be part of your close knit family, but you are getting married, she is your partner in everything and she needs to feel that way. Just trust me, I've seen this happen in my family and it never, ever ends well. It only breeds tension and resentment. Your wife is your wife, she is your priority. Period.

5.) This is one of those situations where she needs to step back and be more realistic. Consider taking a financial planning class together. For instance, order the Dave Ramsey financial peace university. Guy's a friggin' genius. He also has a radio talk show. Perhaps she feels that you are capable of financial independence but lacks the communication skills to tell you to stop wasting money on stupid things. Who knows, you're going to have to ask her.

6.) I really don't see how you have to make time to be spiritual. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in your garage makes you a car, if you catch my drift. Regardless of your spiritual beliefs, you really don't have to pencil it into your schedule.

You guys need to communicate better. She needs to understand that you feel overwhelmed with your schedule and don't know how to make the kind of time she needs, and she also can't just be calling all the shots and making you change. There needs to be give and take and compromise on both ends.

You're right. It isn't fair for her to expect you to make all of these changes at once. Some of them are good ideas but they shouldn't be demands that will make or break her relationship with you. I think she is thinking that you will change for her but the problem is that people don't make real changes unless they want to. She should accept you for the way you are. I'm not saying she shouldn't push you to be the best you can be and talk about complaints she has in the relationship and stuff, but she's doing it wrong. She's giving you a laundry list of things you need to fix for her to be happy and that's not fair to you. I would talk to her about how you are feeling about how she didn't tell you about any of these problems until now and it's a bit much to expect. Hopefully she will understand and you two can figure things out. Good luck!

I'm in the exact same situation after 3 years with my fiancé. This week I got a long list of what he needs in a wife. Most are things that are exactly the opposite of what I am. Why now?

My husband's staggering chum is a lady a pair years youthful than me. they are like siblings, they used to spend all their time mutually (to boot as with some different pals), and that i might want to be one hundred% completely comfortable in the journey that they merely took a fishing vacation or some thing merely both of them. She's married, and there is 0 chemistry between them and under no circumstances ever has been. we've all generic one yet another for years, and that i'm completely comfortable with the topic. i'm very authentic looking about limitations and have self belief, so my philosophy is that if it were making me uncomfortable, like in the journey that they were flirty and stuff, i might want to ought to talk up and demand that they tone issues down. i'm getting that your spouse considers this guy "secure" because he's into dudes, yet truly her striking out with yet another guy all. the. time. makes you uncomfortable. She desires to appreciate that you at the instantaneous are not being unreasonable, she is. in case you 2 are going to get married attempt to study the thanks to compromise and set limitations. And this one's an undemanding one. If she's were given a shred of adulthood and decency, she'll conform to reduce again on extremely some the time she spends with him, say, on my own, merely both of them, and per chance in go back you'd be slightly extra open to tagging alongside with both of them and making a sparkling chum. undemanding stuff proper there. both one among you want to study the thanks to compromise from time to time, and it is a reliable chance.

I'm a woman and even I can say tell her to shove that list up her a$$! It's ridiculous and wrong! If she truly loved u, she'd love u for who u r and wouldn't change a thing!

Sorry for being mean but that girl is not right.

I think she's being ridiculous and controlling. One adult doesn't have any right to tell another adult how to live their life. She's put herself on a pedestal and doesn't see you as an equal partner.

You sound like you are thoughtful, intelligent and doing just fine with your life.

Tell her to pound sand. That's what I'd do.

Dump her man. She's trying to control you. You're not gonna be happy if all she wants to do is change you. Try giving her a list of "demands" see how she responds to it.(trust me she won't like it) If she can't make a few changes herself then she isn't fully in the relationship...it's a two way street.

You're doomed kid. This will only get worse if you get married. You'd be setting yourself up for a life of heartache and misery.

I guarantee you will be paying child support for 25 years if you actually go through with the wedding.

It's too late now, the only thing to do is dump her.

I agree with Putang and I'll be even more blunt.

Dump her now and run for your life.

Things will only get worse once the ring is in place (in your nose).