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My fiancé gets loud and mean in my room. I ask him to go out and he takes at least minutes to gather stuff.?
I tell him he needs to get out now because I'm getting angry. He stays and yells more, or he quietly stays and starts gathering his things. It's been 4 years of this. He knows I just need him out of my room when I ask and that I'll start saying angry things back at him if he stays in the room picking on me-pushing buttons- trapping me.
He tells me I'm abusive when after I've been asking and waiting I tell him to 'get the f*** out of my room!' or tell him he needs to leave the room NOW when I ask him. His arguments are circular conversations with himself. A bunch of accusations which have been refuted tens of times before. Accusations of lies when the reason he knows these 'lies' is because I did NOT lie. Etc. Never once has a question been answered by him. He accuses me of lying and cheating when ironically he is the one who lies and has cheated.
Can anyone explain to me what's happening here exactly?
Btw- he says I can't expect him to leave without his computer packed and his shoes on and a change of clothes.. That that's abusive of me to ask of him. All while I'm curled up in my bed with my blankets telling him to go out and that he's hurting me right now. Etc...
4 Answers
- Anonymous8 years agoFavorite Answer
Please don't marry this guy. He sounds really unhealthy.
- DragonsnatchLv 78 years ago
Projecting, Honey.
He lies, he has cheated. Rather than face his own $hittiness. . . he lashes out at you, picks a fight, all so he can make you the *bad guy* in his mind, and feel better about himself, about his own shortcomings.
Men are truly more egotistical creatures than we, and their egos are far more fragile.
Been there - trying to argue with my husband is pointless. He simply says the same things over and over, as if it isn't that I disagree - it's that I just *don't get it*. He's never wrong, he never errs, he always is justified and right in his actions.
So I don't argue anymore. I clam up, which not only frustrates him further, it puts an end to the argument, whether he likes it or not. I am fortunate in that once he cools down, he inevitably finds a way to let me know he is sorry, and that he now realizes what an @ss he has been. Sounds like your boyfriend isn't there yet, still thinks he's perfect.
I suggest in the future, while he piddles around, taking forever to get his three articles of clothing and computer, *you* get your shoes on and go for a walk. Take that control - the control of forcing you to continue arguing - right out of his hands.
Sorry, Honey. Young men aren't all that complicated, but they aren't all that good at communicating, either. Hang in there, and remember - YOU can walk away too. I sure would.
- CaraLv 78 years ago
I don't know why this happens, which is what your question is, but I certainly get the impression that the two of you have had enough of each other. Are you really getting married? What do you expect it will be like?
