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Suicidal - why am I still here?
I've been fairly depressed all semester and now that the semester's over and I've graduated, I'm still jobless. I've never felt lower.
I hang out with a lot of people, but have no one I would consider close. There are times that when they need something, I'm honestly busy and can't give them the time. But if anyone's ever feeling down or needs something to make them smile or laugh, I'm always there to talk to and help them out. Yet, whenever I need to to talk to someone, I have no one.
I seem happy enough to everyone, but the truth is that my self-worth is complete crap. I never feel good enough, no matter what I do. Even in my classes where I was at the top, I always felt like I could have been doing better. I'm the first one out of my siblings to have a degree, but my mother doesn't care and her and my oldest brother were adamant about how an AAS isn't a degree.
To be perfectly honest, if I can't get a job in my field by mid-to-end January, I can't see any reason for me to keep going. I don't WANT to do anything in life but be in my field. If I'm stuck at some typical 9-5 job, I'd say screw it and just kill myself. Even if I'm just filing paperwork, if it's relating to my field, I'll bite though it because it's what I want to do. I'd do the crap work that no one else wants to do, and, within six months, I can be where I want.
Believing in that is the only thing keeping me going. I just hate feeling like crap 24/7. I don't get the point of doing things in life we don't want to do when, in the end, it amounts to nothing. We all die, anyway. Everything we do means nothing. So why do something you'll hate day-after-day, month-after-month and year-after-year?
I've been adamant about finding a job. I've been to several offices and filled out applications, so it's not like I'm not trying. And I'm tried of my mother acting as though I'm not trying to find a job. I've been filling out everything I qualify for.
EVERYTHING.
So...how can I stop feeling so low? Is there a way? And don't recommend drugs or a psychologist. Because if that's on my record, I'll never qualify for the job.
4 Answers
- Anonymous8 years ago
I know how you feel. Sometimes it just feels like you're so down you'll never be back up. You have to keep looking forward though. Remember that there are people who love you. I used to be suicidal and I realized that nothing is worth killing myself over. Try joining a gym, working out makes you happy. Keep a journal of how you feel everyday. Maybe you could see a doctor and not leave a paper trail....just pay in cash if that's a possibility. Things will get better. You have to keep looking up. Everyone gets sad you're not alone. Don't give up on life just yet. Life is not about your job or people pleasing. It's about pleasing yourself. Don't forget that
- 8 years ago
Your question is not so different than the ones ive heard before, and every time they also look for a speciall answer with a secret ingridient that will change their live.....but there is no easy answer. There is however "hope" that in time everything will turn out ok, but you have to put in effort yourself for it to work. The straight up truth in life is that it is the way it is, and wether you like it or not. So just take it like a man and be Strong and try to enjoy life as much as possible, because your life could get worse not just better. Every one will die sooner or later so dont rush it, just let it happen naturaly if death is what your looking for, because you could die tomorow or the next day or in a year but until then your living and you have no choice but to live it and make an effort to make it better.
Trust me we all suffer in our own ways, but we stick it out and stay Strong. I myself have no job either and pretty much have no friends either. But i do have a dream and many goals to accomplish and even if i dont succeed in them, at least i gave it a shot and success wasnt garanteed anyways.
This is life and what we do next is up to us, and same goes for you.
- Anonymous8 years ago
All pain passes. Look at all the great things in your life, family, friends, hopes and dreams...
Try going to church, many people who have depression or other problems seek Jesus for help. And, actually has turned their life around. Or pick a hobby to kerp your spirits up, likr fishing, boating, hiking, or pick a new skill like playing guitar, or something similar.. good luck and God bless, and keep your head up! :)
