AM i wrong to think like this?

Well, like most teenages, I went through a cycle of horrible depression apon hitting puberty, and like most older teenages, Im still in that cycle. (im 17, this whole scenario started when i was 14)

Well, I love to rationalize my priorities and decisions. I categorize out to myself what my priorities are, how to best bring about "happyness", and most allevate "depression"

I feel obligated to justify things I do, And i often use my priorities and objectives to motivate myself.

For example, I rationalize that the only way to actually achieve this metaphpysical "happyness" is through friendships and pleasent sociable-interactions. Ive realized that OTHER people are the roots of all happyness a person finds.

So, when commiting actions, I do certain things based on how they can improve my interactions(dont get me wrong, I still do plenty of things that are negative to my goals, like eating that slice of cheesecake)

I rationalize, that to maximize my social abilities, I need to have increased income, hightened social status, and superior-to-adequate apperance.

So i exercize, and diet, so I can be good looking, so i can get cute boyfriends(yes im gay).

I spend WAY too much time doing school work, and I take very hard classes. The idea of a B in an AP class is horrifying. The point where i was probably closest to suicide in my life was after I got a B in english in 9th grade(Supposedly a super easy class, but BAH, i got an A in ap calculus and AP Biology, AND AP LANGUAGE. DONT TELL ME, that english 1 honors was "easy", and that it was "my fault" i got a b.

Anyway. SO yah. Is thinking that way constructive, and conducive of mental health? Or am i only setting myself up for a mental breakdown?

Anyway,