Can someone edit my common app essay? Please :) If you feel I should something suggestions?

Edited:

Everyone was inveigled by someone: a parent, teacher or a friend. I was influenced by my cousin who is like an older sister to me, a mentor or a teacher. Her name is ****** We are two different people with varying tastes. In other words, we can be considered opposites. One might wonder what about her influenced me greatly.

The one thing that affected me the most was observing her volunteering. When I was about ten or eleven years old, I went to her house and spent time with her family. We went to many recreational places such as Sixflags, Madame Tussads and Dorney Park. One particular summer, I rode with her and my aunt to the hospital. My cousin assisted the patients. When I saw her volunteer during this time, it inspired me to go to Trintas Hospital, a local hospital near my house.

After seeing her going to the hospital for a week, I started volunteering at the age of thirteen. I worked at Trintas Hospital, Plaza Rehabilitation Center, and my school office in eighth grade. Subsequently, I helped my school secretary in ninth grade and I am currently helping her in my senior year.

I see ******* as a mentor because she gets me through troubles I have never experienced before. When I was getting into high school, she told me that I had to take the SAT and ACT as well as the venues to sit for free practice tests. Some family members would let one suffer and expect one to figure it out on his own. In contrast, she gave me a boost and still stood by me when I was confused. Her mother did the same too.

As a teacher, I received ample help from her. When I learned a new topic in school and only understood half of it. she aided me in comprehending the rest. When I was in tenth grade, I had to take the written and road test. The written test was easy for me but I found the road test challenging. Her tips and guidance in parallel parking enabled me to ace the test.

With her continuous assistance and time spent with me, I had the chance to see a different side to her. Her efforts and dedication made me happy and all this influenced me to do the same for others. When she taught me something, I put it to good use and disseminate the knowledge to someone else. Nowadays, teens are getting influenced by negativity occurring in the world and sometimes they are influenced by adults. However, I found my inspiration in a person of my generation who taught me the importance of service and lending a hand to people who needs it.

Some stuff I'd point out / suggest:

Try not to keep repeating the same words (example: help).

You could use quotes or dialogues to make it more interesting.