This girl I'm dating was in a pretty abusive relationship. Does she suck?

Question

We are both in our late 20's and We've known each other for over 7 years. We used to date a lot in the beginning. I think she wanted a relationship with me at one point but I was just coming off a 2 year relationship. Things didn't really work out between us so we went our separate ways. I tried to stay in touch with her but she didn't seem to want that. I let go and we went our separate ways. A few years went by and she reached out to me asking how I was doing and told me she missed me. We caught up on things and started talking again. This is where it gets weird. She has a boyfriend! Oh yea it's a pretty serious relationship (5 years). I had a gut feeling something was wrong and she wasn't okay.

She had a drug and alcohol problem. And last year her boyfriend beat the sh*t out of her almost killed her.  I'll never forget the night she called and woke me up. She was hysterically crying and it was the worst kind of cry it did a lot to me. I was never put in that position before… I told her to come over immediately and told her she could spend the night. She took a cab and when she got out my heart sank. She was wearing underwear, an oversized t-shirt and boots. I suggested we call the police but that never happened. I took care of her clothed her and tucked her in. She calls her parents the next day and tells them everything. Her parents thanked me for everything and picked her up at my apartment in the morning. (I'm gonna try speeding through this story) She goes back to him and guess what happens? He beats her up again and… Guess what? She comes back to me again. At this point I lost my mind. Finally she takes action she pressed charges and finally breaks it off with this lowlife. I'm not one to judge but this guy… Was trash. He also cheated on her constantly with multiple girls disgusting. I'm sure being in a relationship for that long is probably the hardest thing to let go. 

I know some people on here might say "Find another girl" It's a lot easier said than done. Especially when you care a lot about another person and have feelings for that person. 

Over the past year we've been seeing a lot of each other and dating. Sometimes we will see each other 2-3 times a week. And her life has transitioned for the best! She is doing so good with everything sometimes I think maybe I helped her. I'm not gonna lie. I have feelings for this girl and she told me she has feelings for me. But we are up and down constantly like a roller coaster. I have these weird gut feelings she's with other guys and possibly even talking to her ex still. We aren't official but man is this #*@@ confusing. And last night didn't make things easy. I asked her what she was doing for New Years and she said party hopping with her girlfriends. I tried making plans with her for New Years but I guess I wasn't on her agenda. I texted her and called her to wish her a Happy New Years but no response. I wasn't born yesterday most of her friends have boyfriends. So I'm left thinking she spent her New Years with someone else or her ex. There is so much more to add on how this girl lies and can be extremely coldhearted and mean but it's already long enough.

Appreciate whoever takes the time and reads this I'm probably gonna need a therapist.

? · Accepted Answer

I know you don't want to hear it, but you need to cut yourself off, I think. She's not really giving you the time of day and you seem to always go out of your way to help her out.

Anonymous · Answer

First off, shes the one who needs a therapist. She was beaten by her ex multiple times. That breaks down a girl. And her way of "coping" is by partying and trying to forget. Thats probably why she didnt want to spend new years with you. I think its so great how youre helping her, and trust me she needs it. Yes im sure sometimes she can be really mean..shes in a realllly rough state right now. (Trust me, I went through this. And im still not fully recovered. And that was 5 years ago. Dont get me wrong ive made A LOT of progress, so dont give up!" I never went to therapy, though I do suggest it. She needs to realize that you do care. And youre not going to hurt her. Which will be hard. Shes going to be naturally attracted to jerks now probably. You need to comfort her... maybe offer to treat her to some therapy and go with her if she wants. Ask her to be your official girlfriend. Tell her how you truely feel about her and your concerns. By all means im not telling you to give her up because chances are if you do, shell end up in another bad position. You know why she came to you in her time of need? Because deep down she trusts YOU. As for the other guys, its possible she could be talking to someone else. But shell shy away from them very very shortly. She will have serious trust issues now. And most guys will scare her. Youre the alternative. She knew you for a long time and obvuliously shes laid some trust in you. I wish you both the best of luck! And I hope she gets some help<3

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? · Answer

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B0uncingMoonman@aol.com · Answer

She sounds as if (due to troubled past) she is seriously screwed up and on a stressed out roller-coaster to hell.
This lady is not for you. You have hugely different personalities. You sound like a steady stable sort of guy, whereas she sounds an unstable volatile excitable type..
She using you....maybe not necessarily intentionally, but still using you. She thinks you will always be there to catch her, when she falls.
Don't.

JENNY · Answer

I'm sure she was with her ex.

You are not going to have any kind of normal relationship with her.

And I'm also sure your feelings are clouded by sex.

You need to step back and see this situation for what it is.

It sounds like this girl is pathetic white trash.

Run away while you still can.

+

Yeah,

I'm sorry,

But its time to cut your loses.

This girl is going to drain you emotionally,

And likely financially.

She knows you are a nice guy and is using you.

When it comes right down to it,

She'll always go back to these bad guys who treat her poorly.

Let her.

Best of luck to you.

Anonymous · Answer

I have had so many girls like this its not even funny. They haven't been in life or death situations but they have had ex's that have said awful ****. You need to tell her straight up how you feel and if that's not good enough for her then you don't deserve her anyway... there are plenty of women that will make you happy! If you have questions just ask me! Hope I could help!

Anonymous · Answer

I don't really have much advice on this matter, but I just wanted to let you know that I read the whole thing, and am very concerned, just in case nobody else does. I think you'll figure it out eventually. Just don't stess. Ask her outright if she's been lying and ask her what she thinks about your relationship- if she sees it going anywhere and if she takes it seriously.

? · Answer

This girl sounds like bad news. I would move on and find someone who appreciates you and wants to be with you.

? · Answer

Your a great guy wish more guys where like you.you need to move on you can't wait forever for her. I know she was in abusive relationship but you can't keep feeling sorry for her. She knows that she can call you when ever and you will drop anything. Please move on I know its hard to hear it but she's using you trust me please move on you need someone that would love and feel luck to be with you . Y

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This girl I'm dating was in a pretty abusive relationship. Does she suck?

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