how to change my mothers life?

I'm sorry to hear of your mothers hardships. forgive me if I got it wrong but did you say your mother makes 90I a year? If so, that's a fairly large income. There are many families making it on half of that! Depending on where you live and the cost of living does have a bearing, but still, that's a generous income for one person. My mom raised six kids on a secretaries wage, so I know it's doable for your mother.

You need to see if you can find affordable rentals in your area, add up what she spends for her bills monthly living expenses and groceries and go from there. then, contact divorce attorney for a free consultation and see if your mother would qualify for medical benefits as part of the divorce package. An attorney is a wealth of info and resources for women trying to make it on their own financially.

Your mom is too sweet in letting all these adults live off her! Your stepfather isn't responsible for her children, so, the sooner she can get the 25 year old to pay up our get out, she's doomed. The husband isn't going to be as much if a financial Burdon as her son and a girl!

Basically, your mom needs to quit being Co dependent. They are all sponging off of her because they can. I'm a mother to six and I know how hard it is to put your foot down with your children but jut must be done, for their own good as well as her own! She's done her job and now is a senior citizen.

you're A good kid. Keep supporting her and reminding her there is hope!!!

Good luck

First, I applaud you for wanting to help your mother. But she has to make this decision on her own. I wonder why she is supporting kids over the age of 18. She would only need a 2-3 bedroom apartment. Tell the rest of the family to find their own places to live. I certainly understand her staying for the medical as I am in a similar situation. Since she has been married to this man for over ten years I think she would qualify to receive some of his income but she would have to check that out to be sure. Again, it's her decision. She needs to go speak with an attorney and see what her options are. Most first consults are free. Feel free to email me. I wish you and your mom all the best.

This is a decision for your mom to make, life is not easy and marriage definitely needs work. We all need companions in our life. What if your mom leaves him, will she find another man? Will he be better than your step dad? What if he's worse? Your mom is 55. People at that age get used to things. Divorce may not be as easy as it sounds. She would have to go out and date again. She might have to grow old my herself. Do you really want that?

I think a divorce is the best option for her, you need to sit down and talk to her, tell her that she can't live like that anymore, and its not going to get better unless she gets a divorce. Does one of your other siblings want to help? if so you could ask them to help your mom out too

Your mother has to make her own decision.

It doesn't matter what YOU think she should do.

Often, people have unconscious issues ... they think they DESERVE to be happy, and so they will stay in a situation that makes them completely miserable and nothing anyone else can do will budge them out of that situation.

You want to help your mom? Help HER help herself. Get some therapy for her ... I don't know how you can bring that up without offending her, or how you can make her get counselling if she doesn't want to.

But we cannot change anyone else in life. Nor can we do their psychological "work" for them.

As for the kids, the only ones she is legally obligated to support are those younger than 18. Those 18 and over can get jobs and contribute to the household .. even if they are in school, they should be working part-time to help out or at least to help pay their own way.

You see .. she wants to support the 25-year old more than she wants to solve her own problem. You cannot fight what she wants, cannot make her do something she doesn't want to do.

For yourself, you are feeling empathy, and the empathy is causing you pain. And to try to hide the pain, and to try to feel powerful, you are angry. And you are trying to get your mom to change so you won't have to feel this pain.

You have to come to terms with your own pain. YOUR work is to work with YOUR pain. Help your mom with whatever she wants to do .. but you can't decide for her what she wants and you cannot make her do what she doesn't want to do. That is HER work, not yours.

In other words, you are psychologically and emotionally enmeshed with her, and this is not healthy for either of you. Get some counseling for yourself, if need be, in order to learn how to live with your own pain.

Please understand this .. the BIGGEST source of divorce is when we feel pain and expect our partner to change what they are doing so we won't feel our pain. You are not married to your mom, but you are doing this same thing. Unless you can learn OTHER strategies for dealing with your own pain, you are certain to have one or more divorces in your own life. Please solve this problem now when it doesn't cost as much for you.