Say things to myself (inside, my own voice) like "kill yourself" "no one cares"ect?

My thought is that regardless of the 'whys' which would be guessing , that you could probably resolve all the negative thoughts with this free and easy method to use and apply, emofree.co.au, or get someone that knows the method to help you.

Our brains and subconscious tend to replay and repeat even create more of whatever we put into them. If we think more positive thoughts, especially helpful at certain times, like right before bed, the subconscious (works kind of like a computer in that it does not label things 'good or bad' it just takes it all in and creates more of it), will work all night long to increase the positive .

What's probably going on is that you are using a natural healthy survival response and turning it upside down; applying it to the wrong things, as it were.

We need to have a survival instinct, but sometimes we accidentally use it against ourselves. When you are disappointed in yourself would be a good example. Often, perfectionist personalities, when the world isn't perfect, have these types of thoughts/voices.

How do you fix it? There is no straightforward answer, because every individual is different and has a different situation and history. I can only suggest on refocusing that energy, those feelings, to a good place. A good meditation is to imagine your body being filled with white light while breathing in, and cloudy smoke leaving your body as you breath out. Trust me, it's so simple, and it works.

If that doesn't work, you might want to talk to a professional counselor that can learn about your mindset (your past, your present, etc.)

wait you say that to yourself? thats not right. Maybe you just need to be happier. Go out. Hang with your friends. Talk with people. Make new friends. Dont be a downer. Be happier more. Seems like you dont have a nice life. Just do the things i said and also find a really good friend that will care for you and you would say to yourself "i cant kill myself." "she/he would be upset if i did." "they would be heartbroken." or just talk to someone about it. Hope this helped! :D