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Hey. I need your input. Is this poem good enough to enter in a state wide writing competition? We can choose the topic and what we want to write. I chose this poem I wrote. Thank you.

-With every hurtful word, 
and every tear shed 
the 16 year old girl 
makes her way into bed. 

She feels like she is lost 
like no one is there for her 
her world getting dark and grey 
she thinks there is no cure. 

The world is filled with sorrow 
her mind is filled with hate 
she doesn’t know what to do anymore 
so she turns to God and prays: 

"God will you please help me
I hate being bullied at school 
I feel like Im always alone 
and that bullies always rule. 

They make me feel so empty 
with their cruel, hurtful words
I just wish that somedays 
my smallvoice would be heard. 

I don’t have many friends Lord
but with this special prayer 
with all my strength and love for you 
can you try to get me there? 

I haven’t done anything wrong Lord
and everyday I try
 but after school when I go home
I lay on my bed and cry.

I just want to be happy
and not worry everyday
about being bullied at school
so I can go on my merry way.

So Lord if you can help me 
to get rid of all the hate 
pretty please answer this one prayer 
that would be really great." Amen.

The 16 year old girl's prayers 
were answered in her sleep
no more bullying or hurt 
only happiness now to keep. 

The next day at school 
the bullies left her alone
 the 16 year old girl
is now free to roam.

She made a few new friends 
and wears a smile on her face
no longer scared or worried 
she is happy in her place. 

**Bullying is wrong 
every person sometimes becomes weak 
we all have different feelings 
so please think before you speak.


----

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Wow I find that really moving and inspirational!! I definitely think you should enter it in to the competition, and even if you don't win, you'll be spreading a very thoughtful message to many people and that's what really counts!!

A few things I would add though:  the word "That's" after "tear" in the beginning... The word "is" after World and before getting... I would write this passage "They make me feel so empty 
with their cruel, hurtful words 
I just wish that somedays 
my smallvoice would be heard." Like this: They make me feel so empty 
with their cruel and hurtful words; 
I just wish that someday 
my small voice would be heard. 


Other than that I think everything is wonderful!! :)

Even Furries need love · Answer

"10 FREE PTS TO BEST ANSWER!! (:?" isn't that how Yahoo! Answers is supposed to work anyways?

If you want an actual answer, you'd need to give us more info such as what age group, school grade you'll be competing in.

EDIT after 3 down votes. My opinion will vary greatly if this is a poem from a kindergartner than a college student and I would word it differently.
Also, it improves chances of people actually reading your question if you describe what it's about.. you know like in the community guide lines.

Anonymous · Answer

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the d · Answer

pro - it rhymed
con - there was no real heart in it, the rhymes were kind of easy, the way you knew what would come, and the story is cheesy and stuff...
pro - it was fluent to read, so i even finished it

Do not hand it in for the competition. It will not make a price for you. Message me if you want a ghost written poem.

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10 FREE PTS TO BEST ANSWER!! (:?

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